Woman refuses to celebrate MIL on Mother's Day, 'it's my turn now.' AITA?
Not so Happy Mother's Day?
One woman says she is done celebrating both her mother and her husband's mother on Mother's Day. She is about to have her first child and she says that they're time is over and it is time for her to get some attention.
'WIBTA for deciding this is their last Mother's Day?'
So, I'm(30f) pregnant with my first. I'm the only child of a single mom who always made a point of celebrating mother's day. Usually brunch, flowers and a gift.
My MIL didn't really celebrate much but likes to compete/ compare against my mom so husband and I have also started doing some mother's day stuff for her since we got together about a decade ago, but separate from my mom so double the work. Both live relatively locally.
I don't really want to keep this up. I'd like to set up our own (me, hubs, & kiddo) traditions. Specific traditions still TBD, but generally less consumeristic, maybe a relaxing pj day, maybe helping mom in the garden.
I don't know yet, but I'd like to have the freedom to decide. Specifically I'd like to not be responsible for the emotional and logistical labor of hosting, entertaining, planning, shopping, coordinating, or managing their emotions etc..
So WIBTA if I put both our mothers on notice that this will be the last 'them focused' mother's day. I'd still send them a card, I'd be willing to do flowers or brunch for grandmother's day. But would keep mother's day activities for the nuclear family.
I get that they are still mothers and deserve to be celebrated but I also saw something about mother's day being for those who are in the thick of it. Which I'm about to be.
We also don't have this issue with father's day since neither of our fathers are around anymore.
Here were the top comments from readers:
NTA - you're not just choosing not to acknowledge them at all, you're still willing to celebrate them - just in a slightly different fashion. Personally, I see no harm in this. It is good to forge an identity that is specific to the family in your home.
NTA. No need to formally announce that your two moms will no longer be the focus. It is Mothers Day and not Mothers Who Are in the Thick of It Day. Do what you can do to honor them. If this winds up meaning an imbalance between the treatment of the two moms then your MIL has a son (hint, hint.)
I did not know people lost their parenthood once their kids had children.
I like the idea of just the small family celebrating, but can't you still celebrate with the grandmas? Maybe on the Saturday? They haven't stopped being your mothers just because you're giving birth.
INFO: It's mothers day, now that you're going to be a mother why not tell your partner all mother's day planning and logistics are his job from now on?
The OP responded in the comments here:
I guess cause even with him planning the idea of dressing up and going out to a nice brunch sounds like a misery to me until the kid is much older. So it's sort of about communicating the complete change in activities.
YWBTA. It's MOTHERS' Day - for ALL mothers. How about you put on your big girl panties and talk to them about what you all envision Mothers' Days to look like from now on? And then, when you've come up with it, tell your husband it's his job to plan it all.
The OP responded again here:
Because a certain part of me doesn't really want to see either of them on a day that should be fun/rewarding/ relaxing in recognition of the effort that is motherhood. Because we already do separate things because coordinating them together is a nightmare, each of them for their different reasons. So expecting a rational group conversation feels like an impossibility.