Stepkids tell woman's daughter 'no one wants you here' on Mother's Day. AITA?
A Mother's Day battle.
One mother was frustrated when her ex wanted her daughter to spend Mother's Day with his new wife. She insists that it is not out of jealousy, but out of concern for her daughter.
"AITA for refusing to swap Mother's Day weekend with my ex?"
Ex and I have a 7 year old daughter together, Indie. Our divorce was pretty friendly considering we made such a bad couple and when he met his wife Gwen I really liked her and the two of us got along so well.
She said Indie was such a sweet kid and how excited she was to be part of her life. I loved it for Indie and Indie really liked Gwen.
But right around the time Gwen and my ex bought a house together things went downhill. Gwen has three children ages 12, 10 and 8 and they dislike Indie. There seems to be some jealousy there because Gwen was nice to Indie.
Indie has talked about the kids saying mean stuff (like she doesn't belong, that she's dumb, that nobody likes her or wants her around). Indie told her dad and Gwen and they assured her it would get better and they would handle it.
But nothing has changed and whenever Indie is with the whole family she ends up being told by the kids that they don't want her there, they have fits over having to include her in activities and Gwen and my ex have started telling her that she just needs to 'wait a bit' and she can have a turn with one of them after.
But they always forget about it by the time Gwen's kids are finished. She said when it's just her and Gwen it's even worse because Gwen's kids hate when she speaks to her and that just makes them more angry with her. She told me she doesn't like spending time with the family anymore.
And to make things even worse, Gwen has complained to me about Indie 'pulling away' and 'seeming less interested' and I brought up what Indie was saying and she said if she seemed more interested she would include her but she just doesn't seem to want to be around anymore. My ex was like what do you want me to do, Gwen's kids don't like me either.
So when my ex asked if we could swap Mother's Day weekend this year, so Indie could be with them, because they are doing a Mother's Day weekend trip and Indie should be there, I said no.
He was like come on, you can even get extra time and I said no. He asked why and I said I wanted my daughter for Mother's Day and it was final. He told me Indie shouldn't miss out on the trip.
I told him she's missing out on nothing other than a weekend of being excluded and treated like an outcast and feeling like she has to be careful of having Gwen's attention because her stepsiblings will hate her for it. He told me it doesn't mean she wouldn't enjoy it. Ex said I was being unfair and unreasonable. AITA?
Adding before I post: I did not ask Indie if she wants to go because she has expressed repeatedly how she hates doing trips with them and how she wishes she could stay with me when they go places.
So that is enough for me to say she would not want to be there... She also doesn't like Gwen as much since she feels like she gets forgotten. She also feels that way about her dad too.
ETA: Taking full custody is not an option. I have spoken to my own lawyer and I got a second opinion on it. Currently Indie is on three wait lists for therapy. Only three are open to new patients right now but all have waiting lists.
Here were the top comments from readers following this story:
NTA. You are her mother, not Gwen, and it seems like making her go would be punishing you and her unnecessarily when it's your day. Your ex needs to do something about this situation. He is alienating your daughter from his family by not stepping up, yet seems to be laying the responsibility on a 7 year old to fix the situation.
The 12 year old and 10 year old and definitely old enough to both know and be told what they are doing is not on and to have some form of punishment as a result of their actions. Your job is to make sure Indie is happy, and it certainly sounds like she isn't enjoying her time there. He's an AH for insisting she goes on a trip that will just make her feel miserable.
NTA. For your ex to ask you to not be with your child on Mother’s Day of all days is incredibly entitled and selfish of him. I would bet that if you asked to have Father’s Day with her to go on a family trip then he would feel the same way that you do about the situation.
At the end of the day, you’re putting your daughter’s feelings first and keeping her from a situation where she has expressed that she has been uncomfortable in the past. Have your holiday with your daughter and give her all the attention she deserves without the stipulations that she gets over there.
NTA. Leaving out all the stepsibling unpleasantness, it's your weekend.
A 7yr old can't fix the problems with Gwen and her kids playing Cinderella. They want indie there because abusing her is their way to reinforce their identity as a family. Gwen's kids clearly have some serious insecurity issues about their mother's love.
Indie will always be the outsider bc her presence helps them direct their nastiness at a common enemy. Don't subject your daughter to that. It will damage her self esteem beyond repair. Stand up for her. If you don't, no one will and nothing will change.
Reduce time indie spends with them. She is too young to deal with the older kids abuse. Kids need to be taught manners. The idea that it will magically stop is pure evil and laziness. I think Gwen likes the children fighting over her and making her kids the 'in group'. Kids are just responding to clues from mom.
She's playing princess and wants everyone to make sure indies position is known as a second class person. Gwen's house will always be a place where indie learns she doesn't fit in. Don't subject your baby to that.
NTA. You are her mom, not Gwen. And your ex and Gwen need to get into family therapy with her kids ASAP. The kids need to be told when they are treating Indie wrong and there must be requirements for basic decency and kindness which I'm not seeing here. This is such a bad situation, I can't believe they aren't in counseling yet.
NTA your job is to protect your kid from being bullied. It’s time to stamp this out. Either your ex starts dealing with things or you prepare for another court battle