'MIL brought my 14yo a DNA kit for Easter because she wants her to find her real dad.' UPDATED

"MIL brought my 14yo a DNA kit for Easter because she wants her to find her real dad."

This is my first post here and there is a lot of past with this woman but I just wanted to get this on going issue off my chest to see if I'm not overreacting or doing something wrong. This is a situation that has been going on for years. I met my now husband when 14yo was a few months old.

She knows who her father is, She sees him several times a year and travels to see him since he lives in another state. So she is here most the time. The issue is MIL doesn't believe she knows her dad or visits him, She always tries to tell me my 14yo is somewhere else when I say she's visiting her dad. She acts like she catches me in a lie and then tries to argue with me about it.

She also believes I make my 14yo call my husband 'dad' when this is something 14yo does on her own. We never refer to the younger kids as half siblings they are 14yo's full brother and sisters. MIL always feels the need to correct us.

MIL told my husband in a conversation yesterday she's had enough of me 'lying' to 14yo about who her dad is and since my husband wasn't going to correct me MIL got 14yo a DNA kit to get the results. She also had it delivered to our home so it could be here and she wanted us to give it to her.

My husband told his mom she was being ridiculous and 14yo wasn't getting the test to show what she already knew. MIL told my husband she was over the lies I told to my daughter and it was going to ruin our relationship when 14yo was older and she knows the truth. She was trying to look out for her granddaughter since we 'Didn't care'. She hung up after that.

I've been up all night because I've let her get into my head again but I'm also over this constant need for her to prove I'm 'lying' to my daughter. I just want to throw that DNA kit out buy something else put MIL's name on it and tell MIL her gift never arrived.

Commenters weighed in to offer her advice.

flixguy440 said:

Throw the kit and your MIL out. You're not overreacting, but your husband needs to do a better job reigning her in.

citrusbook said:

Protect your daughter and cut MIL out. Or, at the very least, put her in a looooong time out.

BeckyAnneLeeman said:

This behavior is abusive. Why are you letting someone around your children who is abusing them?

SaorsaB said:

Have your husband take the test to confirm his parentage. This much crazy is coming from somewhere.

gailn323 said:

You know she has been in your daughter's ear for 14 years about this nonsense, how cruel MIL is. Explain to your daughter that MIL has unresolved issues. That you and she know the truth and you hope MIL gets the help she needs.

Whether or not you do the test is up to you, but if you do, and the results come back exactly as you know they will, send them to MIL with F YOU written in bright bold red and go NC. Better yet, have DH hand deliver it to her, and he can personally tell her to F off, and she is no longer a part of your lives.

Ok_Result_2319 said:

This is so weird that she thinks you're lying when your kid is with her father. Does she and your daughter usually have a good relationship? Does MIL say anything to your daughter about "lying" about where she is? I feel so bad for your daughter. You and your husband have a family that includes her and younger siblings and MIL is trying to drive a wedge between you all for what? Her own amusement?

It can be tough being the only child in the family who spends time with a whole different family. Pulling a stunt like this could potentially make your daughter feel like she doesn't belong. Please make sure you talk to your daughter about this. She is old enough to have a conversation about MILs insane behaviour.

OP responded:

MIL never says anything to her about it. It's always towards me. The relationship between them has always been great.

LeafPankowski said:

I am confused. Does She think your husband is the actual dad? Or is there a specific reason she doesn’t think the bio-dad is really the bio-dad? Is there some race thing going on?

And OP responded:

MIL told me once when my daughter was younger I was confusing my daughter into believing my husband is her dad, and her siblings are full siblings. She shouldn't be calling someone dad who isn't blood related to her.

Cirdon_MSP said:

Why are you and your husband still in any level of contact with this lunatic??

And OP responded:

I don't think I really want to be in contact with her after this.