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'My MIL died and the person who's been stalking me for years suddenly disappeared.' UPDATED

'My MIL died and the person who's been stalking me for years suddenly disappeared.' UPDATED


"My MIL suddenly passed away in a car accident last month. At the same time my 'stalker' disappeared."

My MIL and I never had a good relationship. She has tried to sabotage my relationship with my husband since the day she met me. I wasn’t good enough for her handsome and successful boy. I contemplated ending my relationship several times but my husband always showed that he is on my side. And I love him.

A few years ago, I started getting very threatening and scary emails and texts from a Pax. This Pax knew everything about me. It didn’t matter how many emails and phone numbers I changed they or “he” always found me. I made several reports but nothing happened. My husband tired everything to trace the emails. Nothing came out of it. This past year I basically never left the apartment alone.

I haven’t received a single threatening text or email from Pax in a month. After a few days I wasn’t surprised. Felt like I always knew it was MIL deep down. My husband hasn’t reacted yet.

He’s consumed with his grief and I don’t want to bother him, especially when he bitterly told me “you must be very pleased now” when we heard the news and I tried to comfort him (he apologized later and said he was just feeling guilty that he loved and chose me more that he loved her).

Now I’m waiting for him to connect the dots. Will he get it? If he does, will he talk to me about it? I don’t know if I ever will bring it ip to hi Also I won’t relax and go back to my normal life just yet. But I know it in my heart that it’s over and I can’t he happier about my life.

Here are some of the top comments on the post:

You know there are a lot of cases where people had tons of threatening letters and phone calls. In many they never found out who did it, and most people assumed it was some random psycho. But I wonder how many were someone close to them instead. [link]

Someone replies:

There was an episode of "This American Life" about a woman was continuously the victim of identity theft; bank account kept getting hit despite changing cards, banks, everything. Turned out she was living with the thief.

I agree that you should let him connect the dots on his own. I wouldn’t even drop hints to help him along the way. [link]

If they start up again, it's definitely still someone in the family. They would have been too distracted/busy with this to maintain the harassment but if it starts up again, the timing is too on-the-nose to ignore.

I'd go to the police if it starts back up, it's definitely mentally unwell behavior and who knows what it could lead to. Sorry you've had to deal with this. I sincerely hope that, for whatever reason, it's not actually your husband, he's my #2 suspect// watched too much Investigation Discovery as a youth [link]

Please don't accuse your MIL to him. He can connect the dots on his own and bring it up if he wants to discuss it. For now, enjoy your new stalker-free life and go out without fear. [link]

A month later, OP shared this update:

I was here maybe a month ago talking about me suspecting that my MIL was my stalker who tormented me for years. I was trying to get advice about whether or not to tell my husband who was mourning her. I decided to wait a little but after venting here I was sure that she was my stalker.

I started living like I never did before. With 10 minutes walks alone, then 15 then 1/2 hour and so on. At first my husband didn’t notice my freedom or maybe he did but was processing it himself.

Last Friday I told him that I was going out with the girls. Alone? Yes! Want me to drive you there? No need! Are you not afraid anymore? No, my stalker won’t bother me again. He kissed me and wished me a nice evening.

When I came home around midnight, he was still up. He said that he wanted to talk to me. He asked me, was my mother your stalker? Yes! He broke down crying. He said he has always suspected her and even talked to her a couple of times about it and she made him so guilty by accusing him of being my simp(sorry I don’t know a better word for it).

He said he noticed how I after so many years of fear and anxiety stopped eventually crying in my sleep and he has noticed that I haven’t woken him up for a a month now. I actually don’t remember half the timea i woke him up in terror but he always told me and my therapist about it whenever it happened.

He apologized for never discussing it with me and never protected me from his family even though he had suspicions. Honestly I’m not even mad or disappointed. If the police couldn’t help me I don’t know how much my husband could have done and I just want to move on and leave this behind.

We are going to start couples therapy and my husband is planning to tell his family that MIL was my stalker. He is adamant about it and honestly I think its a good idea. My husband has also decided not to attend the headstone setting on MIL’s grave

Commenters weighed in:

I can't imagine the terror that was inflicted on you throughout this experience. I hope you are proud of yourself and your husband for working together to find closure. It must have been incredibly difficult not telling him your suspicion towards your mother-in-law. You are far stronger than I, and likely most people, would have been if put in this predicament.

Congratulations on your newly found freedom. I hope you and your husband find peace and healing in the months and years to come. Please keep us updated on how your inlaws handle the situation. Denial can be difficult to overcome, especially when it revolves around a family members' actions.

I remember reading your original post and being deeply troubled by the circumstances you were facing. I don't know you, but I want you to know that I admire your strength. [link]

OP's response:

I’m so happy that I got my life back and that my husband doesn’t hate me for it. He believed me

Follow up comment:

The love and mutual respect you two share shows so clearly through your story. You had the grace to give him time to come to the realization on his own. He had the grace to recognize how your struggling coincided with his mothers' presence in your lives.

It's a beautiful outcome to a deeply troubling experience. Ya'll must be two very strong people who have found eachother and made the decision to navigate this world as partners. Here's to a lifetime of love and understanding.

OP's response:

I wanted so many times to leave the relationship because I couldn’t take the stalking any longer but he has been nothing but supportive and kind to me and i love him so much. I’m glad we stuck together 😊🥰

The only risk to clueing family in is that one of them starts it up to say see it wasn't MIL, and trying to clear her name that way? Allowing a bit of a delay to telling them might be wise move, unless you trust them all 100 and they knew how MIL was. [link]

I remember your post. I’m amazed you had the self control not to say anything to him. I’m sorry she put you through such hell but so glad for you that it’s over! I hope that your husband is able to process this and truly come to terms with what his mother put you through. What she ultimately put you both through. Enjoy your freedom from fear and I wish many happy years for you both. :) [link]

OP's response:

I didn’t want to talk to him while he was already down. It didn’t feel right.

If you have really bad enablers of your MIL, it may not be a good idea to tell them that she was the stalker otherwise your "stalker" may come back by someone trying to clear her name. I would proceed with extreme caution [link]

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