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'My MIL took over wedding planning so I cancelled the wedding.' AITA? UPDATED

'My MIL took over wedding planning so I cancelled the wedding.' AITA? UPDATED


"My MIL took over wedding planning so I decided to cancel the wedding."

So the story goes is that my husband and I got married in September and decided to postpone the actually wedding festivities until the summer. Well we told out families what we wanted. A garden ceremony with only our closest family members such as our parents and siblings and our sibling SOs. Followed by a small reception at a nice restaurants banquet room with a small beautiful cake.

This was what our dream wedding is and we were excited about it. As time went one people mostly my mother in law kept complaining in a passive aggressive way about all of our decisions. It wasn’t big enough for her. It wasn’t fancy enough. She never said these things in a mean or aggressive way I will admit but she also didn’t seem happy about it either.

She wanted to have 250+ guest which was already 10x the amount of people we originally wanted but we wanted to keep the peace so we agreed to about 200 guests and a larger venue to accommodate everyone. I already wasn’t too thrilled about this but we both wanted to please our parents.

I will also mention here that she is a party decorator so I feel like she is used to large parties and that’s why she thought it would be better. Anyway when we started planning out how we wanted our invitations we figured we could have control of this. So we made them and showed them to her.

She wasn’t pleased because she thought it was rude that we included a small card saying that we would prefer no presents but if they insisted on it we would prefer cash or gift cards to spend on our future honeymoon. She said it’s disrespectful and rude that we would ask for money making it seem like we’re poor or whatever.

We didn’t change them as we had already paid. Well when we started deciding on the decorations it was obvious she had her own vision and when we shared what we would like she didn’t seem pleased again. We are more of a pearls and champagne and cream type of people and she is a silver, gold and rhinestone type of person.

We told her no this is not what we want and she agreed. We showed her inspiration pictures and she said okay I’ll work on it. I didn’t leave very happy about the situation honestly I felt unsure about the encounter. Well time has gone by and we call her about something unrelated. She then once again passive aggressively says we haven’t given her any invitations for people.

We say what do you mean we have everyone in the family that we see regularly an invitation. She says well what about the other people I want to invite. We say okay well how many? Thinking it’s only like 2-3. She says hmm let’s see how about 20. I mouthed hell no to my husband. We told her she could have 7 and yet again she didn’t seem pleased about it.

This isn’t everything that has happened with this wedding and to some it may seem like that’s not so bad it’s regular wedding stress. But to me it’s not. This isn’t what we wanted. On top of that I’ve been forced to invite certain people on my side of the family because “it’s what’s right.” I limited the guests my parents could invite but the number is still large.

I just feel like our recent call with MIL was the breaking point for the both of us. We realized that we can’t do this. So we talked. And we cancelled everything. Venue, food, photographer. Everything. We are telling our parents tonight. My parents at least will be a bit upset but not mad. His dad won’t care. But his mom will probably be the one that’s the most upset. We are following through with our original pan.

A garden ceremony. Just us, our parents and siblings. And then the nice dinner. That’s all we ever wanted and I’m not going to fall for what people think is right. I didn’t want family members there that I hadn’t seen in years, or people that neither me or my husband knew. They don’t need to be there. We are happy with our decision. I just hope we made the right one. Thank you for reading all of this.

She later shared this relatively hopeful update on the situation:

Hi everyone I just wanted to take the time to say thank you to everyone. I’ve answered to some but since most are congratulation I wanted to say a mass thank you so so much for the support. I would also like to clarify that MIL is not a bad person.

She’s actually kind and sweet. In the 3 years DH and I have been together she has never made me feel unwelcome or disrespected. This whole situation is an exception. I think a lot of this behavior stems from her wanting to make the party as best as she thinks she can for her son. In the process she has pushed us from wanting it.

We would have gone along with it but that last phone call we had really was the breaking point and we just couldn’t do it. I don’t think she will ever hate us for it I just think she will be more sad that other won’t get to see us in person giving our vows but oh well. I will update again when husband breaks the news later tonight.

And then she shared this final update:

So everyone we told her and as anticlimactic as it seems she was not upset! I’m so glad she didn’t take this in a bad way! Sorry for those that were going for something juicer but I’m glad it ended well!

Sources: Reddit
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