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Wife thinks husband's long lost daughter is using his guilt to 'bleed him dry.' AITA?

Wife thinks husband's long lost daughter is using his guilt to 'bleed him dry.' AITA?


'AITA for forcing my husband to cancel his credit card?'


My husband Tom has a daughter he just reconnected with about 10 years ago when she was 25 (she’s 35 now). We live on the other side of the country from her. She has three kids and they are my husband’s only grandchildren so he is extremely happy to see her and spend time with his grandkids.

The problem is that she’s a hustler. No matter what kind things we do for her (pay for vacation for them to meet us in the middle of the US, dinners, excursions etc…) she always wants more.

A Gucci purse was the last thing she guilted my husband into buying her- since he never payed child support for the 20+ years that he wasn’t in her life, she feels like she deserves these things.

It seems like every time she’s on the phone with him, she says “oh the grandkids miss you, when are you taking us to see you”? Or “I really need a vacation”. And he will send her money.

He knows that I don’t like that kind of pandering, but I try to ignore it. He is guilted into sending cash regularly for one thing or another.

We were able to put her off for a few years, but she flew down with her 3 kids on my husband’s dime to stay with us for the weekend. I told him “do not buy any Gucci purses” while she’s here, and he said he learned his lesson and would not.

We took them to an amusement park, bounce parks, arcade and paid for all their food and expenses. I was pleasantly surprised that she didn’t pander or ask for anything.

Until the last day when we were sitting at lunch and a message pops up on her phone that says “your Amazon package has arrived” and she says to her son “the bose headphones grandpa bought you just arrived at our house”.

My husband doesn’t have an Amazon account. She and the grandson hustled him into buying $200 Bose headphones, and took his credit card information and put it into her Amazon account while I was in the other room.

I kept my cool at lunch, but later I politely told her that I wanted her to remove my husband's credit card from her Amazon account.

I know what will happen. She will just ask for random things, (for example my husband bought his grandson a drum set from Amazon this past year after some guilting), and now that she has his cc number stored she will hit him up when I’m not around.

I know my husband can do whatever he wants with his money, and he feels guilty for not knowing his daughter for the first 20+ years of her life, but AITA for making him cancel the credit card that he put into her Amazon account? Am I overstepping?

I just don’t believe that she erased it, and I’m not the kind of person to make her do it in front of me and cause a scene. But she would milk him dry if she had the chance, and he’s too much of a pushover to say no. So AITAH?

Here were the top rated comments from readers after this intial post:


NTA Do it. Also, talk to a lawyer if he refuses. You'll be on the hook for his debts to your hustler step daughter.


Asking the daughter to remove the CC number from her Amazon account could be a waste of time - what makes you think the daughter didn't separately record it for other purposes? Can OP guarantee that didn't happen?

OP needs to sit down with husband, establish limits for daughter's family in the context of everything husband expects to do. Does husband expect to fund the grandchildren's college education? What are the limits on this? How will that impact his and OP's retirement and other financial goals?

Whatever the limits are, establish them, then hold him to them. We're going to spend $X per year, perhaps separately fund it into a separate bank account on a yearly basis. When it's gone it's gone until the next scheduled funding.

Some of this depends on how OP and husband manage their finances. If their finances are separate, he's otherwise meeting his obligations and spending on daughter comes 100% from money he'd otherwise spend on his Harley or Pez collection or whatever, then OP has less to say about this.

If finances are joint and especially if finances are tight, then OP has a much more legitimate interest, which is why establishing formal limits and a separate account may make sense.


INFO: Why your husband was not paying child support?

And I find the phrasing of “he never payed child support for the 20+ years” a little bit strange. Had she said it directly? Is it not 18 years of money he owns? And why designer bags and expensive electronics and not a trust fund for grandchildren education for example?


She says later on that he didn't know about her. The daughter is just a mooch, it has nothing to do with child support.


She says he didn’t know her. That’s not necessarily the same as not knowing about her. If he just straight up ignored her, he wouldn’t have known her.


i’m the original post it says “he reconnected with her,” so presumably he did know her at some point? idk. i feel like so much is omitted here.


NTA - eventually she’s gonna stop asking and everything she buys on Amazon is gonna be paid for by him.


NTA. Granted she’s his daughter but she’s effectively stealing from him at this point w/ his credit card on her account unbeknownst to him… are you sure he doesn’t know it’s on there and just didn’t tell you to not cause an argument?

I can understand him taking his grandkids to do things when they’re here and paying for their food etc. When my parents come to visit me (we live in different countries - US and UK) I will pay for most of their expenses when they’re here. Not out of guilt though.

So, do you think this daughter is really trying to pull a scam or do you think her father is trying to make up for lost time?

Sources: Reddit
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