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'Was I wrong to ask my neighbors' disabled daughter to leave our party?'

'Was I wrong to ask my neighbors' disabled daughter to leave our party?'


AITA for kicking out intellectually disabled young woman from my party?

My husband and I live in a townhouse with a weird backyard set up. All the homes in our row have a mostly undefined backyard so that maintenance has access to mow the entire yard.

However, there are tall wooden barriers/fence between each unit to distinguish the parcel of lands to its units, it just doesn’t extend to the end of the backyard. Hope that made sense. All the neighbours have an unspoken agreement not to enter each others’ lots.

We have a new neighbour about 4 units down who has a daughter, J, in her 20s(?) who appears to have a disability of some kind. I don’t really want to assume, but her cognition seems younger than she is, she is a bit messy.

J has taken to sitting in our lot, most of the time it’s directly within the barriers so she’s a few feet away from our backyard door. She might be singing, lying down, playing on her phone, or picking the grass. I (nicely, I swear!) introduced myself to her and her parents, and asked the parents if they wouldn’t mind keeping daughter on their lot since the grass was getting big bald patches.

They were receptive enough but essentially told me they couldn’t watch her every second and the whole backyard is safe to play in bc it’s fenced in. I saw J a little less, but she still wandered in.

Not sure if this matters, but if I had to guess, she chooses our lot bc she might have a crush on my husband/ thinks we’re “cool”?

We recently had a party at our place where we were BBQ-ing, with some guests going in and out to smoke. J came around and kind of co-mingled with us, not actually talking, just standing with us.

I asked J if she could go home. She had a bit of a tantrum, didn’t leave. I went to her parent’s house and told them to get her bc I’m having a party and we’re drinking etc. Her parents asked what the harm was, and asked if she could just join us bc she wants to be with adults. I told them no, it was inappropriate, we can’t look after her.

All of which was true, but she also made everyone uncomfortable. Parents eventually got her, she was crying.

I’m trying to be compassionate, I don’t know if I was an AH. In a way, she wasn’t doing any harm.NTA


krankykitty says:

NTA. J was an uninvited guest. You asked her to leave; she refused. So you contacted her caregivers. If J wants/needs adult company/companions/friends, it is her parents’ responsibility to find them for her.

Annie707 says:

Yup, her parents should absolutely be teaching her about boundaries, especially for her own safety! What about stranger danger?

Pearl-2017 says:

Exactly. OP should consider calling Adult Protective Services. This young woman isn't being properly supervised.

Baileythenerd says:

NTA- if it's your land/backyard and you're being respectful and kind in asking, then yeah 100% NTA in asking that she not hang out on your property.

The 'What's the harm' comment on your neighbor's side is incredibly entitled, because how would they like it if someone was just wandering into their space and their parties.

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