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New dad furious that nursing wife doesn't want friends over: 'It makes no difference.'

New dad furious that nursing wife doesn't want friends over: 'It makes no difference.'


When a frustrated father came to Reddit for validation, he got something else entirely. Here's the post with top comments:

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for telling my wife I'm that I'm mad that she didn't let me have my friends over?'

Specific-Sleep-9276 writes:

Last Saturday I went over to a friend's house to hang out with the guys. My wife (who gave birth to our son 6 weeks ago) also had her friend over to our house. So I finish up at the gym, head over there and sit down to play some games.

After playing for about 30 minutes, my wife calls me (her friend is gone now) and asks if I can come home because a bump on her skin has gotten more painful and she doesn't want to be taking care of the baby alone when it's painful for her to stand and walk at this point (previously it only hurt while she was sitting).

Obviously I'm disappointed that I have to leave but it is what it is. So I get up and tell my friend who gave me a ride over that I need him to give me a ride home. Everyone is confused and upset that I'm leaving, especially since now they're going to be short a person for their game.

Do they not know about the baby...?

On the ride home I call my wife and suggest that I just bring my friends over to my house instead, that way I can help with the baby whenever she needs me to and I'll still get to hang out with my friends whenever I'm not needed by her. She says that she doesn't want people over, and we hang up.

I wonder why.

At this point I'm mad. After I get home I lay down next to her. 15 minutes of silence. She obviously doesn't need me at the moment. I finally ask myself out loud: 'what am I gonna do for the rest of day?'

She immediately starts crying and saying 'are you seriously mad right now?!' I tell her yes. I'm not mad that she wanted me home, but I'm mad that she won't let me have my friends over when in my mind, it makes no difference to her.

Operative words being 'in my mind'.

They'll be out in the living room the whole time, it's not like she's going to be leaving the bedroom anyways, since it hurts for her to walk.She has no reason to in the first place, when I'll be in the house and will be available at her beck and call.

She says my priorities are all wrong. I tell her that she comes before my friends, but that I don't see why I can't be there for her when she needs help, and then also be able to go out into the living room to see my friends when she doesn't.

That way we're both happy, right? She gets all the help she needs and my Saturday plans that I've been looking forward to all week aren't spoiled.

Ah yes, the all important Saturday plans.

She says I don't get it, that she needs moral support and I won't be able to provide that if my friends are over.

I dont understand this, because I know for a fact that if I came home and just hung out playing games in the living room (when not actively helping her) that she would be fine with that. She even admitted this was true. After we argued she took an ibuprofen and felt no pain at all until the next day.

Please dont leave negative comments about my wife being a baby or anything. I'm not here to make her look bad or to bash her, I love and care about her a lot. I'm just need to know if I was being a jerk or not.

Here's what Reddit had to say...

Spirited-Safety-Lass comments:

Bold of you to assume people will leave negative comments about your wife being a baby. I snorted when I read that. OP, you’re clearly being the baby right now, desperate to be entertained because *you’re bored*.

You bullied her into admitting she would have been fine with your suggestions after guilting her for not allowing people into her home 6 weeks after giving birth and having an unspecified, painful complication. Good grief.

OP replies:

I didn't bully her into anything, she's had groups of people over multiple times since giving birth. Not defending my actions.

OddCricket7312 comments:

You’re a major AH. What are you going to do for the whole day? Parent! Look after your baby! Oh wait, you have a baby making machine for that! Dude, you don’t get to have Saturdays off now that you have a baby! Neither does she! You’re an awful human being!

from OP:

I meant what was I going to do when my wife/child didn't actively need me. Which believe it or not between him sleeping and nursing is a lot or time.

OrangeCubit piles on:

YTA (You're the a-hole) and so are your friends. Why one earth would they be confused that you were going home to your wife and newborn? You have a NEWBORN and a wife who hasn’t physically healed from the birth yet. You should be at home taking care of the two of them.

Your job right now is to make life EASIER for your wife. Not harder. It’s also hilariously optimistic of you to think people are going to say anything negative about your wife.

OP defends himself:

A lot people seem to be under the impression that my wife is suffering pain from having giving birth still. To be clear, she had a cyst, which was not birth related. In her words, she feels fully healed from having given birth, no pain or discomfort related to that.

She also told me she was fine with me going out, of course I made sure she was fine with it before I made plans. I was home after work every day that week until Saturday helping with the baby every night. I would not have left her had I not been under the impression she would have been fine alone with the baby.

Also, my friends being upset and confused was understandable considering I didn't really explain the situation, I left pretty much immediately without saying much. They also know that my wife is very capable at this point.

They've all seen her, everyone knows that she's all healed up and back to normal. Is it not normal for a 6 week postpartum woman to be back to normal or something? She's 20 years old, maybe that makes a difference I guess.

bokatan778 responds:

You’ve literally done zero research around post-partum healing. If you had, you’d realize that her hormones are going wild right now. It’s seriously insane. It took me months after giving birth with each kid to feel a little bit back to normal-emotionally and physically.

You said your wife is 20 so I’m going to assume you’re pretty young as well. I’d encourage you to research the full experience of healing, especially the hormonal issues, after giving birth. It’s not fun. I’m also guessing there is a good chance she is a sleep deprived zombie.

legosubby says:

OMG the first thing I thought was, how old is OP? Am i right to assume you are also in your 20s bc that would explain everything. Regardless, you need to grow up. YTA

OP finally reveals his age:

I just turned 22.


This is why people should wait until later in life to have kids. Women should remember that this is how 22-year-old men generally are. I say this as a man who was once 22; this is the rule, not the exception.

Well, there you have it!

OP is certainly the a-hole here, but a young one. Hopefully he will learn from this and do better.

Sources: Reddit
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