This literally happened last night / this morning. I'm still working through the disaster, I've had to take a break from it because I just can't believe it's happening. We are two weeks and one day away from the wedding and are DIY-ing some of it ourselves, so obviously prep has taken over our lives.
When doing the majority of the planning and booking last year, my fiancé had a lot on his plate at work, so I did most of the original planning as my job was very quiet for several months (I work on contract).
I was adamant that one thing I would not do myself was the food, and I found a vendor in a town half an hour from the venue whose FB page had the most beautiful harvest tables, and that was exactly what we wanted, so I booked her and paid the deposit - in April last year, actually, so I figured this was sorted.
On her invoice she noted she'd discuss details like canapés closer to the time. Our venue is several hours away from where we live, so this was all via text and email. We finally were in the area and met her last week to discuss it all, and firstly she sounded a bit surprised that we'd want to meet up, but whatever, maybe she hadn't realized it was already coming up...
I know she is constantly busy (another reason I booked her, because I saw how many events she was tagged in/reviewed well for and figured this was a good sign). Her first question to us when we brought up the canapés was "what canapés do you want?"
I could see my fiancé start chewing his tongue out of the corner of my eye. I'd been talking him down from planning the food himself when we would have other things to do on the day. But my heart had also sunk. Surely she should tell us what she usually does? "Well, have a think and let me know what you want." Ok, we said, we absolutely will.
She was a bit pushy about her sourdough being ok for our celiac guest (if it's made with wheat it's not safe lady) but we talked her into playing it safe with rye. (Edit: I know now after the comments here that rye is not safe either!) At the end of it, we recapped the entire discussion, and said - twice - that we would send a list of suggestions. She said she would wait for it.
So my fiancé made one. We are both detail-oriented people who have catered other events ourselves (massive birthdays and family Christmases of 40 odd people, even one family friend's wedding) with all sorts of menus, including plated dining as well as harvest tables, so we know what we like.
I have also worked in hospitality and restaurants most of my life, and I loved getting detailed lists from my clients, it really helped. While ours is a long list and some of the items are a bit bougie (hey, it's our wedding!), when I forwarded it on, I mentioned these are suggestions and the end result does not have to be identical, she can let me know what's do-able and we can go from there.
Cue an absolute harpy. It's all voice notes and I wouldn't feel comfortable putting screenshots on here anyway, but basically "never in my life has a couple told me how to do my job" and apparently we are taking advantage of her and trying to make her work at a loss.
All of this in a vicious Karen-esque tone of voice (apologies to any real life Karens who are lovely). She ended with telling me that she should perhaps just send me my deposit back. She also spent a good part of it slandering one of the cheesemongers in the area in a most unprofessional way.
Honestly this was so out of left field, I was absolutely stunned. I apologized for upsetting her (because genuinely I had not intended anything of the sort) but reminded her that we agreed on a list when we saw her, and tried to underline that the list was suggestions.
I felt that had been clear but my message with the document was a long one so gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided to say she could have missed that. Her next voice note has told me to "make up my mind" and added that since we are now 50 adults and 4 kids, instead of 70 adults and 5 kids, she would have to raise the price per head anyway.
What?? If that's industry practice it's certainly a new one since I last was paid for an event. It's not like she's not being paid for the travelling either, how are her costs more per person?
If she'd brought up calmly that that list will cost more per head, I'd absolutely have understood (because again, some of our taste can be more pricey!) we could have made concessions or worked out a new budget.
But really, to be screeched at makes me want to take her up on her offer of a refund. I have severe anxiety and this brought up an entire panic attack, when mostly I've had fun planning everything. I know I will not enjoy my wedding day if I am worried I might have to see her at any point during the afternoon.
And I'm glad to know about rye not being safe for celiacs! I have asked the caterer to make good on the refund, we will see what happens. Part of me thinks she was trying to call my bluff but considering my friends and family are rallying hard to already start planning how to do it ourselves, she has failed. Definitely going to leave a review about her behaviour once I've got my money back!
livelafftoasterbath said:
I've never heard of a wedding caterer, or a caterer in general, that doesn't have a preset menu from which guests can choose (private chefs who do home dining and individual events, yes, but wedding, no).
The rise in price per head was in several of the contracts I reviewed for my own caterer. Seems common enough but if it's not in her contract - which she should have sent to you immediately - then she can't just make stuff up, lol.
My uninformed read is that she is overwhelmed or unaware that she should set limitations around what she'll make if she doesn't want to create brand new menus for each guest. Also seems really unprofessional across the board. This seems like a perfect out, OP - go find someone who knows what they're doing. You may need to make tradeoffs on the menu but honestly, this isn't worth it.
buckthestar said:
I would not trust her with your food at this point. It's annoying this close to the date, but get that refund and run.
Otherwise_Carpet_617 said:
Take the refund. As a person who has planned many events, she is not going to add anything but stress, and I would be surprised if she actually completed anything to your agreement on the day given her attitude. Although finding an alternative this close to the wedding will be hard/stressful, it will be better than the stress of dealing with this particular caterer.
Events have things go wrong, it's a fact, but no sense in setting yourself up for anxiety or a bad moment by staying with this caterer. Sit down with your partner, maybe the bridal party, and brainstorm options. Honestly, some of the best event details/moments have come out of unexpected obstacles. You'll likely find some creative options that will be unique that you never previously considered.
anzfelty said:
No. This person cannot be trusted to pull through on the day. Also, rye bread definitely contains gluten and I would not trust this caterer with the health of my friends and family.
If you can't trust her with a basic list of suggestions and had to argue with her about what contains gluten, why would you want to keep her? Yes, you have less time, but this is an opportunity to be clever, resourceful and reduce your anxiety. Cut her out immediately.
indiana-floridian said:
You will never see that refund is my guess. You will still be better off without her. Telling guests to bring their own sandwiches would be better than dealing with her.
ChaoticForkingGood said:
Start calling caterers right away. Make it your #1 priority. You can get some good recommendations from your venue and other vendors, as well as looking at other venues' preferred caterers. If you find one that can help you out within your timeline, and that you're comfortable with, then and ONLY then cancel with the one you have now and get that refund ASAP.