'AITA for posting pictures of my baby shower on social media?' UPDATED
"AITA for posting pictures of my baby shower on social media?"
Me (38) and my sister (32) were pregnant around the same time. Her baby was due a month after mine. Unfopirtunately, my sister and BIL were in a tragic accident a few months ago, and she lost the baby.
My baby shower was last week. It was just at my house with a few friends and relatives. 'I did tell my sister I was having the baby shower and she's welcome to attend if she wishes, but I completely understand if she can't. She said thanks, and didn't end up coming.
Afterwards I posted photos on social media. Only two, one with all my friends and one with me, my husband and 3 yo. I had the caption 'Growing our beautiful family'.
My sister sent me a text about the photos and caption. I replied I'm sorry, but I told her before I was having the baby shower. She said having it is fine but got upset at me 'flaunting' it. Again, I said sorry she feels this way but I do want to share my news too. Mom saw my post, said I should be more understanding of my sister's situation. My husband thinks I'm fine, and it's literally just a photo. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
significantsister87 writes:
I was leaning N T A- I somehow missed the rest of the story. All of that information changes the entire story and meaning of a baby shower post screaming “growing our family” when sister buried hers! Yes OP’s actions are cruel! OP is totally the AH.
OP added this update in the comments.
My BIL died in the accident so she didn't want to see weddings. We also had issues over BIL's funeral which she went off at me for. I'm trying to be patient with her because I get she's hurting, but I can't just put my life on hold.
I had a dress fitting and had to go to the venue to sort something out after, so we didn't attend the funeral. She was mad at me about that. And I'm not calling myself a saint. I just don't think posting pictures is that big of a deal, but I get she's hurt so I made this post.
Here's what people had to say after reading the update:
seriousday67 writes:
YTA!! You might also want to add that your BIL died in the accident and you skipped his funeral. So of course she's going through a lot of grief, she lost two people at once. It's probably best for her to delete you from FB or you delete her.
nester1953 writes:
This! This, this, this!!! Upon realizing that the OP's sister was windowed in the accident that ended her pregnancy, and the OP threw over the funeral for a dress fitting, (a dress fitting!!!!!)
I also realized that this was perhaps the least sensitive, most cruel post I'd seen here, and that by distorting the facts, the OP was seeking approval when she deserved condemnation. YTA!!!!!!!
Agreed. I was N T A until I read OP skipped the funeral for a dress fitting! OP is insensitive and self-absorbed. OP YTA
Holy s&^%, that changes everything! This isn’t “AITA for posting a pic of a baby shower when my loved one lost a pregnancy.”
This is “I’ve been too caught up with my Me-Fests to show one semblance of support for a grieving family member after a traumatic spousal and pregnancy loss, but this incident makes her look unreasonable, so let’s skirt around the pattern that shows the opposite is true.” Yiiikes, OP. Hard YTA
Oh God. Your sister lost everything. Her grief is too big. Pretty much anything she does is fine, and, as her sister, you write off her behavior & let nothing stick. She’s barely even there right now. Absolutely none of this is about you.
babyshowerphotos OP:
I absolutely get that her grief is a lot, which is why I never pushed her to do anything. She didn't attend my wedding. Didn't attend my baby shower. When I tried to talk to her about my wedding, baby she never listened so I never made her. I would've liked her to be with me but she chose not to, which is fine. I just don't think I need to stop posting photos to please her as well
You tried to talk to her about your own wedding and pregnancy after knowing she lost her husband and unborn child? You thought this was okay? And you think you did so much because you didn't make her listen?