Bride chooses 11-year-old flower girl for wedding, doesn't invite her mom. 'Have I been eating crazy cakes?'

"They want my daughter to be a flower girl at their wedding, but I'm not invited..."

Have I been eating crazy cakes? Am I off base, I really need to know. Becky is someone I have known for many years. We are in the same social circle, more like friends of friends, but we are not super close. It's really more like acquaintance I run into from time to time. I do see them and hang out with them at gatherings, probably 3-4 times per year, but I've never been to their house, nor them to mine.

I'm a single parent to an 11 year old girl and I received a call from Becky, who has never called me in her life before this, asking if my daughter would do the honor of being a flower girl because there are no other young kids in her family. [Side Note: My daughter who would EAT THAT UP! She'd love to be a flower girl.]

I asked for the wedding date and where it was and she told me that it was at a winery in the middle of nowhere almost 2 hours driving from where we live. But she also said that it's an extremely intimate wedding for family and a few very close friends and unfortunately there wouldn't be "room" for me at either the ceremony or reception, "I'm sure you can understand."

I told her I'd have to look into and and call her back because, honestly, I was too stunned to reply. Listen, I have ZERO problems not being invited to anyone's wedding, you do YOU and your day, no problem.

But.. let me get this straight: Becky wants me to spend the time money on getting a flower girl dress and shoes, drive my kid 2 hours away to a winery in the middle of nowhere and drop her off unsupervised with a bunch of adults.

And I should do what? Wait in the car? Wait down the road? Wait in the bathroom? Wait in the kitchen with the caterers? LOL. There isn't even a cafe within a 30 minutes drive. Am I off base thinking this is just totally bonkers?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

AdPotential8802 said:

You're right. This is bonkers. I'd be saying no. No matter how much she would love being a flower girl. I would not be leaving my 11 year old daughter alone with a bunch of people she didn't know who would be drinking.

ArDee0815 said:

It’s creepy. She’s expecting you to doll up your girl and leave her alone with a bunch of strangers in the middle of nowhere.

DiTrastevere said:

Nope. If you’re not invited, your 11 year old isn’t going. This isn’t a class birthday party, this is an acquaintance’s wedding, and it’s insane to expect you to send your preteen daughter into an adult event with zero parental supervision just so she can look cute in the photos.

I’d be flatly honest with her - you will not be sending your young daughter alone to an adult event where you’re not welcome. You don’t need to offer any further explanation. It was rude and frankly weird for her to even make this request.

ladysimmington said:

Yes, that is crazy. I wonder if she realizes she doesn't have to have a flower girl. It's not a mandatory position. The way she's acting, scrambling to find one amongst friends of friends is already bizarre but to then have the audacity to not even allow you to stay, just for logistics sake, is crazy!

I actually recently very politely declined to have my daughter as a flower girl (I was invited but not in the party). Mainly because the bride was extremely disorganised and hadn't provided any details to allow me to get my daughter a dress, shoes etc, and I just gave up. So, yeah in this case I'd definitely decline!

T-Man_ofGraySkull said:

The bride said she has no young children in her family/close circle except for your daughter; they have zero idea that children are human beings with their own needs rather than set dressing they can use and discard at will. I would be so concerned if this couple decides to have children with this mindset.

SafeWord9999 said:

Your daughter is not a prop for her Instagram wedding.