'AITA for using a 'jacket of shame' to keep my mother-in-law from wearing a wedding dress?'
"AITA for using a 'jacket of shame' to keep my mother-in-law from wearing a wedding dress?"
I'm 23(F) and my husband 25(m) got married last year in March after dating for 3 years. I've never had any issues with his family and his mother and I used to get along quite well. We are also the first on both sides to get married.
Long story short, planning this wedding was no walk in the park and there were multiple fights between myself and the mothers (my mother and his mother) about stupid nitty gritty stuff like decor, what table I wanted to use, round or square....even what style dress I wanted to wear but the cherry on the cake was my mother in law's outfit she was planning on wearing!
In the 6 months we planned our wedding, I expressed multiple times that the only color guests weren't allowed to wear was white and even encouraged everyone to go all out with their outfits (prom looks etc. because who doesn't love dressing up and looking their best)..but clearly this didn't include my mother in law.
She continued to show me pictures of the outfits she was planning on wearing - all of which were completely white. I tried multiple angles with her... First trying to nudge her in a different color direction, then casually bringing up the no white rule... I even asked my husband and mother to talk to her about not wearing white as my direct approach didn't seem to work (telling her straight up to not. wear. white. )
The moment I realized I needed to think of a serious plan fast was when one of her online orders arrived and I just happened to be there. Finally I got to see this outfit and to be honest I prepared myself for the obvious - that it would be white and even consider letting the whole white thing slide with her just to spear myself the mental strain... but I NEVER thought she would order a literal wedding dress!
THANK GOODNESS it was one of those Expectation vs Really moments and the dress quality was terrible and went straight to the trash! Now to what I thought was an excellent plan: After venting to my sister and other brides maids about the whole situation...I suggested that there should be some kind of punishment for guests (aka. Mother in law) should they show up in white...and so the jacket of shame idea started.
My sister helped me shop for the perfect jacket.. A yellow reflective jacket you usually see construction workers wear...but the fun didn't stop there! To make sure everyone was aware of the consequences, my sister helped me set up a decorating station at my bridal shower to decorate this Jacket of Shame and it turned out to be quite the hit!
My friends and family members enjoyed using glitter pens and colorful sharpies to give the jacket it's shame by writing things like: 'how dare you show up in white', 'are you the bride? I. THINK. NOT'... you get the point.
Afterwards I explained what the jacket would be used for, that if someone shows up at our wedding wearing white or anything that can be passed off as a wedding dress will be forced to wear this Jacket the moment they step onto the venue and that the Jacket won't be allowed to be taken off - EVEN in official wedding/family photos.
Maybe I took it to far after someone asked 'but won't that ruin your photos and throw off the whole aesthetic?' and I bluntly replied with 'Not at all! I would frame the photo and hang it up in our house as a reminder/trophy'
Needless to say, I never got that photo and mother in law turned up in a all black funeral outfit to our wedding. I took it as a win but I keep getting shade every now and then from his mother and aunt about how inappropriate the Jacket was and that I was such a b&$%h for forcing the Jacket onto my guests. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say on this one.
thwaya77 writes:
NTA. The only reason they'd still be pissy about this is because it forced their hand into complying with the (blatantly STANDARD and appropriate) dress code. I'd put all my money down on a bet that literally zero other guests were in any way offended by the jacket.
violesen74 writes:
NTA - I'm not big on weddings, HOWEVER, your wedding, your rules! Seems to me like your MIL wanted to be the center of attention on your special day, and if you had to manipulate the situation to get your way, then more power to you. Can you imagine if she had actually gone ahead with her shenanigans?
It could have caused so much more drama, and potentially strain on your marriage if you'd have kicked her out of the wedding or something along those lines. Good thing she had the sense to eventually take a hint and potentially ruin her relationship with her son.
That's what she's really antsy about, that her son has a perma lady woman and that he won't really need her that much anymore. The caretaking phase is over for her and now it's part of your job description.
You keep getting shade from those two? Good, they haven't forgotten that you're not a pushover. You gotta fight for what's important to you. Makes me wonder if she ever had the wedding she wanted...
sensitivegage writes:
This is genius! You're not in the wrong here. You set a completely normal and socially accepted rule (in Western countries) for women's wedding attire. She wanted to flaunt your rule despite knowing full well what she was doing. Your solution was creative, funny, and got your point across.
I think what worked was actually making the jacket A Thing at the bridal shower so that no one could pretend that they didn't understand the rules later. By making decorating it a fun activity you ensured that all the women there were emotionally on your side.
Therefore anyone violating the rule would be subjected to not just the jacket, but the social approbation of all the women present. Nice work. People are still comparing because it worked and their evil plan was foiled.