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Bride's sis is getting married soon. Sis makes threat, 'tone down your fancy wedding.'

Bride's sis is getting married soon. Sis makes threat, 'tone down your fancy wedding.'

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When this woman is annoyed with her sister, she asks Reddit:


'AITA for not 'toning down' my expensive wedding?'

Im getting married in July, my sister Ash is getting married in June. The weddings were not planned to be so close, it just kind of worked out that way. I got engaged first but her husband is in the military so they had to rush things a little bit and either get married on 5 months notice or wait a lot longer.

My family grew up what would be considered lower middle class. My parents are gifting Ash $1,000 to help with wedding planning, obviously this doesn't go that far. We have a decent size extended family and lots of friends. Ash is doing everything she can to be thrifty and will end up having around 70 adult guests at her wedding.

She wishes it could be more and with kids, but due to budget cuts had to be made. My fiancee Julie is from a very well off family and with her being their only daughter they are being extremely generous with the wedding budget. I don't want to say how much they've given us but it's more than most households make in a year. It still feels a little surreal marrying into a family like this but I will say they've been nothing but kind to me and Ive never felt judged by them.

We will be inviting the entire extended family - kids included, and lots of friends as well. We've invited about 250 people and are expecting around 150-200. Ash knew my wedding would have more people but I don't think she realized until this weekend how nice it will be. We saw each other this weekend and while wedding planning came up it was pretty clear how fancy ours is going to be.

The food served will be over $150/plate, it's one of the most expensive venues in the area, and the musical performer is relatively well known (family friend of Julies). Ash asked me if I could 'tone it down' so it's not so much bigger and better than hers and so people don't compare or skip hers for mine. I told her that her wedding will be amazing and not to compare but I won't be telling Julie to not have her wedding how she wants it.

Personally I'd elope or have a giant wedding, it makes no difference to me but Julie wants an extravagant affair and if her parents don't mind paying, Im fine with it too. Ash says I'm being an AH for not even considering otherwise and my mom insinuated that she agreed. Am I being an AH here?

Let's find out.

lyannmerriman writes:

NTA - I get it that your sister feels insecure, especially with the weddings so close, but that's not your responsibility. Your fiancee is a part of this event (a crucial part, obv.) and gets a say on how your wedding is planned, which has nothing whatsoever to do with your sister...

not to mention that a good chunk of the extravagance is due to her side of the family paying for it. Regardless of how Ash feels, that's not something she gets a say in and it would be a hard hill to climb to try and tone down your wedding for her sake, even if you wanted to.

From someone who had a relatively bare bones wedding about a month away from a friend's very posh wedding (with a fair amount of friend crossover), I can say that both events were well enjoyed and it's the attitude and tone of the event that people remember fondly. Hard to hear when you're pinching pennies and trimming a guest list, but it's true in the long run and hopefully something Ash will realize.

flipside1812 writes:

NTA, my husband and I got married one month after his cousin. She had a wedding pretty much in the same level as what it sounds yours will be like, 150$ a plate and all that. It was a really fancy wedding.

Ours wasn't anywhere near that level, although I was not unhappy with how my wedding turned out. And I didn't worry about his family comparing the two because it was just a different kind of wedding. Even if they'd had, eh. You don't need an expensive wedding to have a nice day.

shirleyredemple writes:

NTA. The wedding-industrial complex has just gotten so far under your sister's skin that she's confusing the fanciness of her wedding with her intrinsic worth as a person. I hate that for her, but it's between her and her psyche and not something you and your partner can control.

Looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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