'I am considering leaving my husband over him keeping a lock on one of our doors...'

"I am considering leaving my husband over him keeping a lock on one of our doors..."

Hi everyone. Very sad to be posting this but I F29 am considering separating from my husband M33 of 5 years over a big issue we just had a couple of days ago. My husband has always cared about his things, and he puts all his valuables in his office where he works remotely 3 days a week.

He put a lock on the outside of the office door 6 months ago to supposedly keep his things safe from our destructive toddler. I let it go, but found it a bit odd since the key is usually no where to be found.

Anyways, I recently went in the office to get our bird's perch out the room, and he was hovering acting really suspicious. He defensively said what do you need in there? And I said the bird's perch...but then instantly felt he was hiding something from me. I also noticed he locked the door after that.

After we put our toddler to sleep, I told him I needed to go in the room to change the sheets on our guest mattress because we have visitors soon. He was acting defensive again and said he would do it another time. That is when I said what are you hiding in there?

You are getting really defensive, and it's weird that I am locked out of a space in my own home and have to ask permission to enter. He got more defensive until I eventually said you need to unlock the door and let me see what is in there because you are hiding something.

Long story short, he admitted to hiding his vape in the room and playing video games when I go to sleep. But he REFUSED to open the door. I told him I'm going to sit by the door until he unlocks it because I think he is hiding something worse since those things aren't that big of a deal.

You guys, he literally refused. I tried begging, I tried getting the lock open, I tried everything I could think of. Not only would he not unlock the door, but he was gaslighting me the entire time telling me I'm crazy and it must be my pregnancy hormones thinking there was something else in there?

He said that if he opens the door, he would be giving in to my pushiness. He also kept touching my leg and telling me he was sorry I'm going through this like I was making all of this up in my head.

Unfortunately, I got too tired around 2am (keep in mine i'm pregnant having to deal with this) and told him i'm going to sleep and whatever he is hiding in there he can get rid of in the morning, but i'm done. In the morning, the room was perfectly staged with his little vape out and switch game.

He has changed the lock on the door to a normal one that only locks when someone is in the room, but still seems to see no problem with what he has done. He is still adamant that it is perfectly normal to lock a door from the outside if you have important things in there.

He also said there was nothing else in there and he just couldn't for the life of him let me in after I said we needed to go through his stuff. He said that was controlling behavior and giving in would be saying that was okay.

I guess what i'm asking is...is it normal to put a lock on an office door even on the outside? Would a separation by the best next steps? I have a toddler and a baby coming, and really don't want to have to do this alone if I don't need to.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

RickRussellTX said:

Whatever was behind that door was more important to him than your trust, which he has lost.

derango said:

No this absolutely isn’t normal.

lydocia said:

I would flat out tell him, if you're not telling me the truth, I'm going to assume it's the absolute worst thing imaginable and will act accordingly.

lulu_avery said:

Hiding things can be gotten over (depends what they are) but being treated like you’re crazy for normal behavior is unforgivable. He will hide things, he will lie to you, he will act like you’re the one with the problem and not apologize or be held accountable. You can’t trust him. Period.

ResidentRelevant13 said:

He’s sorry you’re going through this?!? As if it’s not his fault? Your marriage is on the line and he still refused to open the door. Trust is gone, it’s over no matter what he was doing in there. Breaking up a family while you’re pregnant is hard so I don’t judge you for whatever decision you make. But I don’t see how you can come back from this

observefirst13 said:

Oh, he was definitely hiding something. He showed you the vape pen the next day so that's obviously not what he didn't want you to see. If I were you I would let him know that what he did really bothered you and you don't feel comfortable staying in a marriage where you are being lied to and gaslit.

Then tell him that he can either tell you the truth and you guys can work through or you have to consider separation because you just can't trust him anymore.