Dad prioritizes daughter's school performance to help her 'grieve her mother's death.'
When this father is conflicted about his parenting in the wake of his wife's death, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for prioritizing my daughter's school performance over her emotional well-being after her mother's death?'
I (39M) am feeling conflicted about a recent decision I made regarding my teenage daughter (16F) following the death of her mother. I can't help but wonder if I made a huge mistake, so I'm turning to you, Reddit, to pass judgment on whether or not I'm the AH in this situation.
Since my wife's passing, life has been tough for the both of us. Dealing with my own grief while trying to provide for her has been a challenge. My daughter has been extremely, extremely distraught; and I can see how much she's struggling emotionally. However, when she asked me for time off from school to process her grief, I ended up prioritizing her academic performance instead.
I'll admit, I've always been a stickler for education, and my daughter is a bright student who excels in her studies (particularly math and science, which are very important and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that).
When she approached me, I couldn't help but think about how it would impact her grades and future prospects. I was concerned that missing school would lead to a drop in her academic performance and potentially hinder her chances of getting into a good college.
Instead of allowing her to take some time off, I suggested that she continue attending school and told her that I believed that maintaining a routine and focusing on her education would provide stability and keep her on track.
Apparently, my daughter was devastated by my decision. She accused me of not caring about her feelings and prioritizing her school performance over her emotional well-being. She believes that I'm being callous and unfeeling, dismissing her need for “time to heal”.
Soooo, Reddit, am I the AH for putting my daughter's school performance ahead of her “emotional well-being” (as she put it) after the death of her mother? I'm genuinely questioning if I made the right decision and would appreciate your honest opinions. Thanks for reading!
Let's see what internet users had to say on this one.
maybeawalrus writes:
YTA. She needed time to grieve. A couple weeks out of school won't ruin her academic results. I know this is hard and I am sorry for your loss, but you need to stop being lazy. Get her teachers involved and make sure she can take the rest she deserves while staying on track with school. I am sorry for your loss.
morgaine8 writes:
YTA. You really think your daughter is processing what she’s being taught right now? Setting aside your, frankly, cruel disregard of her mental health, your approach is completely counterproductive from an educational standpoint.
If she is continuing to attend school uninterrupted, her teachers will expect her meet the regular deadlines for papers and tests, even though she is not in a headspace to perform. If you let her take some time off to grieve, she likely would extensions to complete her work that would ultimately benefit her education. It’s time to get your head out of your ass and start parenting your child.
shareamom4 writes:
YTA. Your wife died and you sent her to school the next school day like it meant nothing. Even employers typically give bereavement leave. And yes, the school would work with you to either send home work and let her make it up when she is ready through summer school or another avenue.
They aren't heartless but you do have to communicate with them.It seems like your daughter's need to grieve and her emotional well-being mean very little to you and that is going to lead to other problems.