Dad talks to teen daughter about 'losing weight,' wife says, 'you're a bad parent.'
When this father feels conflicted aobut a parenting move, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for talking to my daughter about losing weight?'
I 42m have been with my wife 39m for 18 years. We have 3 children together Nya16, Alex12, and Jesse9. Nya is to say the least obese. She’s 5 ft and between 215-225lb. Alex and Jesse make fun of her, despite our punishments for it. Kids at school make fun of her.
We have brought this up to the school, but they do nothing. We have actually requested her to an alternative then gym class because the girls in the locker rooms would take pictures or gang up on her.
My wife and I are healthy people, and I go to the gym several times a week. We make healthy dinners, and try to buy healthy snacks, but Nya needs more then that. I love my daughter, I think she is beautiful no matter what but I worry for her health.
She called me crying the other day begging me to pick her up early from school, she told her friend she had a crush on this guy and today he asked her out. She said yes and then all his friends came out laughing and it was just a prank and they made pig noises at her. I felt terrible and was so furious.
I picked her up and on the way home I was trying to make her feel better, and I suggested maybe we should work on some weight loss. I offered to take her to the gym with me after school, and that we could run together in the mornings before school.
That it could be a safe place and we could work on it together. I really didn’t mean anything mean about it, I was just trying to be helpful. I even thought about what to say before saying it, so I didn’t upset her. She got really quiet and didn’t talk the rest of the way home.
When we got home my wife went in to see her and came out angry at me. She accused me of fat shaming our daughter, and that Nya was in there crying. I wanted to go in there and comfort her and apologize but my wife said that would make matters worse and she’s humiliated.
We’ve let Nya stay home the past few days and picked up her school work from school. I’ve tried talking to Nya a little but she’s been pretty quiet towards me. I feel horrible and really think maybe I shouldn’t of suggested it or worded things differently. AITA?
Let's see what Redditors had to say on this one.
ladydavina writes:
YTA- addressing her weight at that moment makes you an AH. You should have been there for her, addressed the behavior of the kids at school- not confirm the very reason these bullies picked on her is her problem and needs to change. Is her weight a problem? Sure.
People picking on her weight a problem? Absolutely. Suggesting weight loss when she just got traumatized because of her weight is not OK. You should have left her weight out of it and comforted your suffering child.
To her you just sealed the deal that it was ok for them to bully her because she isfat, that’s exactly how she will see it, because you at length talked about how to fix her weightwhen in this specific situation it’s the behavior of the bullies that was wrong, and you should have focused on that. I’m not saying never address her weight, but that one specific time was absolutely not the right time.
bloodrayna writes:
YTA The problem here is that she was bullied by assholes, and you suggested she should lose weight to appease the assholes. Let's pretend this is a different scenario entirely. Bullies can bully people about anything. What if it wasn't her weight? What if they bullied her for wearing glasses?
Would you tell her to stop wearing glasses and just deal with not seeing well to make the bullies happy? What if they teased her about her nose, would you suggest she get plastic surgery?
What if a boy asked her out and she said no and they bullied her about that, would you tell her to just go on a date with a dude she's not into? Do you get it now? You just taught your daughter that she should change herself to make mean people happy.