Man wants to confront his older male friend about his 'eating disorder.' AITA?
When this man is concerned for his friend, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for starting an argument with my buddy over food?'
My buddy (29m 'Tyler') has food insecurities due to his father. His dad was a hard ass growing up after being in the war for years and basically tried enforcing 'fasting' on Tyler for years to show him what it was like being in the war with no resources. Usually I'm more understanding because I watched this kid act out for years when it came to food and I know his dad personally so I saw first hand how fucked up it was but now it's an issue.
Basically Tyler will invite out me and my wife to a restaurant and he will purchase 3x the amount that he would eat and then hoard the food. If my wife and I have leftovers, it will end up with Tyler. My wife and I didn't really mind so much as just found it weird.
If he comes over for dinner he will take as much of the food home as he possibly can and while eating, he doesn't even taste the food. I watched this kid shovel easily 6 hotdogs and 2 burgers down his throat in a matter of 10 minutes flat and then take every bit of the leftovers home with him. Again, we didn't say anything. We just found it weird.
But then we planned a camping trip with him and our kids (11, 10, 8) and I made a point to tell Tyler to leave the leftovers in the cooler so my kids could eat it whenever they get hungry. I said this because I KNEW how he was and I knew he would take it all and hide it. So I grill up some burgers and dogs, the kids eat and then we bring them to the lake.
My wife and I didn't eat because we were having a few drinks. When we got back my wife went to get a burger and everything was gone, even the pasta salad. I asked my buddy where it was and he said he thought we took it, as he ran to the bathroom and when he got back everything was gone. The next night, same thing. All the food just disappeared basically.
I end up going to Tyler's camper and found ALL of it in his cooler and underneath his cot. I absolutely lost it. I told him his bullshit is out of hand and he just stole food WE purchased and took food from my kids and I'm done. This was the last straw.
He just got really quiet and started packing his stuff but before leaving goes 'so I left some food' (1 burger and the pasta salad- he took everything else). I refuse to talk to him now (it was over $100 worth of food that he did NOT buy) and my wife feels bad because of his food insecurities. I am having a harder time feeling bad though. AITA?
Let's find out.
exentuonbear writes:
YTA you knew this was an issue before the camping trip and you didn’t put any systems in place to prevent it such as oh I don’t know, talking to your friend about his compulsion or at the very least, buying a lockable fridge box? Instead you let the issue get to a point where you boiled over, where if you’d just had a talk with your friend and expressed your concerns you might’ve come up with a solution together.
marvoldont writes:
NTA, but as a friend you should try to get him to see a therapist. This issue he has with food could easily destroy any future relationships he tries to have, it’s likely rooted deep in his trauma from his dad.
kotoperek writes:
NTA. Just because you know where your buddy got his issues doesn't mean you have to accept his behaviour if it negatively impacts you and your family. You communicated your boundaries to him and he broke them, and then lied about it.
You can feel bad for what he's been through without excusing his actions. While he is not responsible for how his father treated him, as an adult he is responsible for how he handles his traumas, and if they cause him to act in a way that hurts his friends, he should get therapy or otherwise work on unpacking his triggers.