Guest discovers how destination bride is subsidizing the wedding, 'perhaps I am a bit stingy?'

"Bride expects guests to subsidize her wedding..."

I’m due to go a wedding in Italy in September and it’ll be the first destination wedding myself and a lot of guests are attending. It’s in a rural spot of Italy and on the invitations, the bride has already laid out that we will all need flights to a specific airport plus hiring our own cars for the duration (3 days). However, they have paid for accommodation as they needed to source an extra villa to fit everyone.

This all seemed fine as we can carpool and understandable there isn’t public transport directly to their venue. Flights are roughly $280/pp return and car hire isn’t breaking the bank. However come to RSVP on their wedding website and we’re hit with a message “Hi guests if you’re ready to pay the $75pp contribution towards accommodation please use the following bank details."

At first I was shocked as the invite explicitly stated they had chosen a venue with some accommodation, but not enough. So had rented a nearby Airbnb for everyone….except now we have to also pay for that? Furthermore, before you get to any of the actual wedding details you’re hit with a link to their registry!

Normally I would perhaps understand having a registry for those who cannot make your destination wedding but still want to give a gift…except the link to the registry is only on their wedding website which is password locked and only accessible using the password which is on the invitations...

...and we all had to send a smaller RSVP with the save the dates so they could (understandably) plan an appraise size venue etc. No one who isn’t going to Italy will have that registry access.

Perhaps I am a bit stingy but to total up travel to the airport, time off, a few outfits for the multiple days, flights, car hire, “accommodation contribution” AND gifts all seem rather steep. It’s already in excess of around $350pp with just flights and accommodation!

P.S about 80 people are invited due to the venue capacity which totals around $6,000 they’re asking for purely in “accommodation contribution” despite the venue having capacity for about half the guests and even if you’re staying at the venue the fee still applies.

EDITS:

I had a lot of mixed replies so did some more digging. The price of the Airbnb they’re renting is around $3k for the whole weekend so the guests are clearly subsiding something else at the wedding - as mentioned I wouldn’t normally mind but at least here in the UK there are very few weddings where it costs each and every guest around $300+ to attend without factoring in expected gifts or other costs.

Normally I would always expect to pay to attend a wedding but around $300 on travel and accommodation (that we haven’t looked at ourselves) AND a gift does seem a bit steep imo. She also had a week-long bachelorette in Ibiza a lot of us were priced out of due to costs and time off and it just sucks to be constantly priced out of lifetime events because they all cost with little wiggle room.

Had I attended the hen and go to the wedding I’d be around $1k in for just one friends wedding (shockingly I have more than one friend getting married this year). Not sure when this became a game of shaming people for not being able to afford something but we asked the bride a few questions and it’s become very clear the extra money is funding their honeymoon.

Her parents paid for the initial venue and the request for money is going to her bank account not theirs. The extra around $3k is suspiciously the exact difference between economy and the business flights to the Maldives she’s been raving about for a while.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

I_wet_my_plants said:

I’m not sure why you would expect a free hotel room. It’s normal for bridal couples to reserve a block of rooms and you pay for your own accommodation to the venue. In this case it sounds like they prepaid it and are extending the cost to you? One night at my brothers venue in the US was $450, so your fee seems super reasonable for a trip to the Italian countryside.

Inevitable_Pie9541 said:

If it's too steep for you, decline. Simple. A wedding invitation isn't a summons.

Extension-Issue3560 said:

Guests pay for their accommodations....at least every out of town wedding I've ever been to. They booked the accommodations themselves to make sure people had a place to stay....that doesn't mean they're going to pay for it. Prices seem fair to me...but if you don't agree...don't go.

angstyaspen said:

I don’t think it’s crazy to ask people to pay for accommodations. The title of your post made me think they wanted you to pay for dinner or something. They rented the venue and the airbnb. That’s rooms for everyone. It makes sense to ask everyone to chip in. Would I do this?? No. But it’s not insane.

jessiemagill said:

The cost isn't the issue. The lack of communication is. I would be concerned about what other costs there are that you don't know about. Like, what is the food situation? Do you have to contribute for that? Are you on your own? I would ask more questions.

rickpaty said:

Completely normal for guests to pay their own accommodation for the villa. Around $75 is nothing in the grand scheme of destination weddings.

1000thatbeyotch said:

Destination weddings have gotten way out of hand. The gift to the couple is attending their event after paying hundreds, if not thousands, to be there. If they want additional gifts, they should seriously reconsider a simple wedding.

LaserCutSilkRosettes said:

RSVP no and just don’t go if your are not comfortable with the additional cost of attending.