Guest shares the 8 ways a 'fancy' Black Tie wedding went wrong.

"The fancy wedding went slightly wrong in a lot of ways..."

A number of years ago, my husband and I were invited to a black tie wedding in the Hamptons (Long Island, NY). Which is all well and good if that's your thing and at least it wasn't in the height of summer and the insane prices - it was in November.

The invitation was incredibly ornate and the heaviest paper/cardstocks I think I've ever seen. They hired a wedding planner and very obviously poured a ton of money into it. They were both working at high level, high paying jobs at investment banks in NYC before the '08 crash and enjoyed spending that money.

There's a laundry list of how spending money doesn't mean you get it right -

1 - the recommended/reserved accommodations started at $600 per night and were near the church, which was a good 45 minute drive from the reception - shuttle buses were included at least. We stayed at a nice and comfortable but not fancy motel that was right next to the reception location.

2 - the reception started 2 hours after the ceremony to allow time for transportation and photos so people were hanging out in November waiting for the shuttle buses and then being driven around in circles to kill time.

3 - The reception was in a barn - it really was lovely. However, there wasn't enough room inside for the cocktail reception and dinner so the cocktail hour was outside under a tent. On grass. With no additional flooring. All of the women were sitting because otherwise our heels would sink into the grass, it was a pretty ridiculous scene.

4 - We move inside for the dinner and the lighting was almost all candlelight. Beautiful, until you realized that the light was insufficient for the incredibly ornate script on the place cards - they would have been challenging enough with more light. With no seating chart, people were wandering around squinting for a while.

5 - the first course was a shrimp bisque with two whole shrimp on top. Still in the shells with the heads. Not ideal for a black-tie dinner.

6 - My husband was a vegetarian at the time and his main course was a stuffed pepper. Looked great. It was actually stuffed with wildly undercooked quinoa.

7 - The table decor consisted of beautiful tall silver candelabra with 8 arms and black tapers, with moss at the base of each candle. Interspersed with these were very tall vases with extremely long silver-painted branches, from which were suspended tea lights in a variety of small black holders, the whole thing probably 10 feet above the ground.

As the evening wore on, the heat from the tea lights melted the fishing line holding them so the tealights and holders would crash down onto the tables and onto people's plates.

Several of the tapers from the candelabra melted down enough that the moss caught on fire - there were at least 2 that were carried out by staff as they blazed away.

8 - The maid of honor was drunk when it came time to give her speech and she shared the story of how the bride and groom met. Turns out it was a drunken hookup when they were both seriously dating other people, not a great story for family members to hear...

It was kind of sad that they spent many thousands of dollars and it was just not a particularly enjoyable evening. And they did divorce not many years later. At least it was a memorable evening!

NOTE: No, just a professional event manager who noticed more than the average person since I had years of training and practice in managing events to make them enjoyable and focused on the guests. Very few of those things would have stood out had the event been in someone's backyard but at a black-tie event, the expectations are higher.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

NOLAnuts said:

I think we all enjoy tales of foolishness. That party planner though with the giant crashing hanging decor and dripping candles - no excuses! I’m surprised the venue owner allowed it.

tardisfullofeels said:

Those giant candelabra centerpieces are a nightmare! My cousin had them at her wedding but they were made of glass. During one of the speeches, one of the arms of the candelabra at my table broke and fell right off, shattering several wine glasses and spraying glass shards onto all our plates. One woman got glass down her dress.

wh0d0uthinkyouareiam said:

This is not the couple this is mostly on the wedding planner and the venue. An expensive wedding and planner. I am assuming the couple trusted the process too much. One of the parents should have mentioned the pricey hotel.

Prize_Proof5332 said:

There is an inverse correlation between the cost of a wedding and the duration of the marriage.

Mad_Madrone_99 said:

I was also at a wedding with a dangerous candle situation in multiple places with the decoration and I'm like.....let's not kill our guests for mood lighting