Guest shares the story of coworker's dry 'Scarface'-themed wedding that 'ends in a fist fight.' PHOTOS INCLUDED
"Alcohol-free 'Scarface'-themed wedding ends in a fist fight..."
This wedding between my coworker Cindy and her husband Matt (both in their 30s, fake names) happened a few years back, but it still feels like a fever dream. Matt, who worked for another company in our building, and Cindy had been dating for MAYBE a year, and it was toxic as hell.
Cindy had come crying to the other girls in the office multiple times about how possessive, controlling, jealous, and angry Matt was. He got a tattoo of her name within a few weeks of dating.
He had a tracker app on her phone and would get mad at her if she so much as left our office suite to go to the bathrooms. He was jealous of her sons from her previous marriage. She definitely saw the red flags, so we were shocked when she announced they were engaged.
I was even more surprised when my partner and I received an invitation to her wedding. Cindy and I definitely weren’t close, and I had made no secret of my distaste for Matt when Cindy had come seeking comfort after they would fight.
The invite was very clearly DIY'ed, which was odd, since Cindy was a very glam, high-fashion, expensive tastes kind of woman. In Word Art font it announced, "Marilyn Monroe and Scarface presents: A Night to Remember with Matt & Cindy". We think, maybe it's an inside joke between them?
Cindy has never had a particular thing for Marilyn Monroe that we know of, and though Matt does like Scarface, it didn’t seem to be to the extent to implement into their wedding. Obviously the wedding itself isn't going to be themed around Monroe (a real person) and Scarface (a fictional character)… right?
Wrong. We get to the venue, and there are maybe 50 guests? It’s a decently sized place, and we immediately get the impression that there were supposed to be a LOT more people there.
We take our seats in the ceremony area, and as the bridal party lines up at the front, my partner leans over to me, gestures to the best man, and whispers “that kid has a gun!” I assumed he was joking until I leaned over into the aisle to get a better look and…nope, that child is definitely holding a machine gun. Okay then.
The speaker system then starts playing a sound clip of the “Say hello to my little friend” scene from Scarface as Matt walks down the aisle, wearing a suit that is covered in fake newspaper articles using lorem-ipsum style text. The bride follows, wearing a dress covered in big plastic rhinestones (think Cece’s wedding dress from New Girl) and accompanied by the song “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend."
After the ceremony, we’re all ushered into another area for the cocktail hour while the happy (?) couple went off to take photos. The bar is already lined up with pre-made cocktails, so I ask the bartender what each one is.
The response: virgin strawberry daiquiris, virgin pina coladas, virgin mint juleps, or frozen strawberry lemonade. I inquire about alcohol, and am told the couple opted for a limited, non-alcoholic selection. Another surprise; Cindy isn't much of a drinker, but Matt definitely likes to indulge.
My partner spots a little table in the corner, covered in what looks like those little dollar bottles you get at the checkout counter at the liquor store. Okay, alcohol is expensive, I get it: have the venue serve virgin drinks, and then add your own liquor using dollar bottles, cool. My partner goes off to grab us a few and returns with… little bottles of blowing bubbles designed to look like champagne bottles.
It’s a dry wedding, which was not mentioned on the invite, the wedding website, or brought up in any pre-wedding convos with Cindy. I nurse my lemonade while we sign our names in the guest book (an old marble notebook that’s already been half-filled with doodles from Cindy’s kids).
After 2.5 hours of virgin cocktail hour, we’re led into the reception area. Again, big space, set up for about 4 times the guests that were actually there, so there were quite a few empty chairs. The tables are strewn with plastic diamonds, chocolate cigars, fake dollar bills and playing cards.
The cake table is set up nearby, containing a small single-tier circular cake, covered in a layer of plain white frosting, and decorated only with a single fake $100 bill laid on top. There are glasses of champagne at each place setting- just kidding, it’s sparkling apple juice for the toasts.
Cindy and Matt make their entrance, and the DJ announces their first dance: Lollipop by Lil Wayne. Cindy's parents watch on in horror, stone sober, as their new son-in-law inappropriately dances with their daughter to an R-rated song.
After that came the speeches. Well, actually there end
ed up only being one speech, by Matt, who used it to crap all over Cindy, saying how now that they were married "she had better lose her little attitude" or he'd "have to show her what a real man of the house looks like," since "obviously her late husband didn't train her properly."
At this point the DJ cuts off the mic, but it's too late. Cindy's dad is up and swinging. A fist fight breaks out, and my partner and I decide that it's time to call it a night via Irish goodbye, and swing by a liquor store on the way home for some much-needed booze.
Matt got fired about 2 weeks later, after he yelled at and threatened his manager over a poor performance evaluation. Cindy quit maybe a week after that, because Matt didn't trust her to work in an office building with other men while he wasn't there to keep an eye on her. Cindy filed for divorce a little less than 2 years later, after Matt trashed their house in a fit of rage when she caught him cheating with a 19-year-old.
OP also included photos to prove it all happened in the comments:
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mysterious_Smoke3962 said:
Loved this- I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Thought it was probably fake but I upvoted anyway because I was thrilled. Then I see the photo on the comments. My favorite post of the day!
emr830 said:
I would’ve gone on a liquor run just to tolerate this lol. Glad she left him but DAYUM!
Lady_Scruffington said:
I am beyond glad she got away from this guy. Here's hoping Cindy makes better decisions in the future.
Mrn_4239 said:
The lollipop first dance WHAT.
Bird_Brain4101112 said:
I’m...speechless.
VivianDiane said:
I hope Cindy’s next wedding is just… literally anything else.