Guest shares wedding horror story of INCREDIBLY insulting Best Man speech...

"Best Man speech was INCREDIBLY insulting to the couple...."

I was a guest at a wedding, knew both the groom and the bride before they started dating, and they are both very lovely/kind people. The groom's family had an attitude of "it's about time", having seen the groom date people, party in the city, etc. He was not old by any means, early/mid 30s.

The best man was the groom's brother, and his speech still lives rent free in my head. He got up and started off with some jabs about typical family/brother/athletic banter, and then turns to the couple.

He goes on to explain that their relationship is similar to how the groom shops at ikea. "You go through the store, so many options, what about that one, what about this one, cant make up his mind, so you keep moving, and eventually you get to the warehouse area where you pick up the parts...

...And then right before the check out line you look to your left and see the returns/incomplete bin, and grab something out of there right before checking out."

He chuckles at this point, and the entire audience is silent except for someone who audibly says "What the f?!" and then someone came to grab the mic away from him as he was raising a glass to the couple. His own brother roasted him, and her.. comparing her to the last possible option, broken or damaged.

At one point a family member of the bride had to be restrained from a fight (I think it was her cousin/friend, not sure). The buffet line was SUPER awkward right after that, and everyone was talking about it for the rest of the night.

Luckily the couple brushed it off and didn't let it dominate the night. I would have been out for blood, but they kept it classy. A distant relative said "I've been going to weddings my entire life, ain't nothing as bad as that crap." WOOF.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Bucolic_Hand said:

Everyone wants to be the funny man. In reality, most people should simply be a little sentimental and a lot concise. Wedding speeches aren’t your opportunity to be a stand up comedian.

Say something nice about the groom. Say something nice about the bride. Say something nice about them as a couple. Toast. And put the microphone down. Nothing more is needed.

imamage_fightme said:

Ouch, I don't know how he could've ever thought that was a good analogy.

Fly0ver said:

At my sister's wedding, our other sister and I did a speech together. We’re both public speakers and she’s a comedian, so we know how to “punch up.” After, the best man came up and just roasted them non-stop.

Absolutely belittling both of them but mostly my BIL. The most awkward part was the silence from a majority of the guests while my BIL’s family roared in laughter and added their own belittling asides.

Apparently afterwards, the groom’s sister told my sister (bride) that she was SHOCKED that we said nice things during a wedding speech and asked why we didn’t tear her down. I really wanted to respond “because we actually like each other?"

ChickenHugging said:

Most people cannot do public speaking. But many people mistakenly believe they are good at it.

imp1600 said:

To be generous, I get that he was maybe trying to say "hey, my brother found something he wasn't expecting at the last minute," but not the right comparison. A friend went to a wedding once when the best man said "You know, I'm happy for them.

She seems fine." That was apparently not what the best man had meant to say, but he got stage fright and totally blanked on his speech. Bride and groom still give him a hard time.

JeffTL said:

The groom really should have gone with a different best man. It’s obvious that his brother doesn’t actually like him or his wife.