Guest who has 'seen it all' shares list of 'Wedding NO-NOs.' 'Do NOT use the word dinner...'

"Do NOT: A list of Wedding No-Nos from a guest who has seen it all..."

We wouldn’t be on the internet if we weren’t appalled by what we’ve personally seen and experienced at weddings. Reading posts online reminds me of all the awful shameful embarrassing stuff I’ve personally been subjected to at the weddings I’ve been invited to/attended over many years.

So I’m putting together a list I’ll call Wedding No No’s based on painful personal experience. I’m sure you can all relate to at least one and have a few of your own…

1) Do not ask a friend or relative with zero talent to sing a solo during the ceremony. This may cause loud outbursts of laughing disguised as coughing.

2) Do not use the word “dinner” on the invitation unless you are legitimately serving dinner. Finger sandwiches piled on a table in the corner do not constitute dinner.

3) Do not invite strangers in order to pad attendance and for gift grabbing purposes. I once received an invite from someone I’d never heard of. Turns out the guy was a new hire at my husband’s company who had been there all of a month.

4) Do not hold a reception two hours from the ceremony site. In this case the hosts had everyone pile onto school buses in the rain for a long trek down the New Jersey turnpike in bumper to bumper traffic on a Friday night.

On the return trip, a large contingent of drunk friends of the groom loudly told X rated jokes that were not appreciated by my uncle who, equally loudly kept shouting, “Knock it off! There are women on here!”

5) Do not hold the ceremony in a public park without nearby parking available. In this instance, there was only a narrow road near the ceremony site at the top of a hill lined with “no parking” signs.

People parked there anyway and every car was ticketed. Also, make sure there are clean restrooms available. The only restrooms in that park were filthy and lacked toilet paper and towels.

6) Do not make your guests wait for hours with nowhere to sit and nothing to eat or drink while you take hundreds of photos after the ceremony.

7) Do not fail to hire a day of coordinator to help assure that vendors are on schedule. Nothing worse than sitting around hungry waiting for food to arrive from a wayward catering company.

8) Do not design a seating chart that puts guests with strangers, especially when there are others present they haven’t seen in a long time and would love to catch up with. Once got stuck at a table with a group of church lady types who made faces when wine was poured and had nothing pleasant to say.

9) For the happy couple…do not ignore your guests. Make a point of greeting everyone if only briefly. Once flew across the country for a male cousin’s wedding and never got so much as a hello from either him or his wife.

They never came by our table. A year later I had occasion to see the couple at another family event and, when the wife finally introduced herself, I told her I had been at her wedding. Her response came back, “I don’t remember you.” No crap!

10) Do not fail to thank anyone who gives a gift. That’s just good manners.

Anyone care to add….I know there are dozens more.

Here's what top commenters had to add to this list:

well-isnt-that-nice said:

I'd like to add: if the majority of your guests need to travel 8+ hours for your wedding, maybe don't have it 3 days before Christmas.

WeeWeirdOne said:

If any of your speech makers are known to ramble on a bit, find a way to cut it short. Having listened to the father of the bride list the bride's every achievement - and I mean from birth - to highlight how proud of her he was, I wanted nothing more than to set off the fire alarm. His speech went on for over half an hour. The poor bride was mortified.

JustanOldBabyBoomer said:

Just to mention what might be obvious but not understood by the Oblivious: If you are NOT the bride then do NOT wear white to their wedding.

Just_Me1973 said:

Treat the significant others of your wedding party with some respect. My husband was the best man at a wedding. I was sat at a table in the farthest corner of the room with three elderly couples I had never met.​​​​​​

BoxHistorical7634 said:

For the guests: if you RSVP that you are attending, please attend unless an emergency arises. Don't just blow it off; the seating arrangements were made to accommodate you not wanting to sit near your ex, and your meal was paid for.

girlandagun said:

If you are seating people outdoors for dining in November, 1) don’t 2) make sure there are enough heat lamps for everyone 3) let people know that this is happening in advance so they can prepare what to wear.

ILikeToParty86 said:

No dry weddings at night.

Eyeof_iris said:

Stay away from major holidays. Had to go to one at 2 in the afternoon on the 4th of July. Poured down rain all day and it was an outdoor reception.

tarynsaurusrex said:

Do not let your mom drunkenly warble her speech in the form of a song.