Mom angry at ex-husband for telling their daughter about his illness 'behind her back.'
When this mom is upset with her ex-husband, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for arguing with my daughter's dad after he told her about his diagnosis?'
Me (f36) and my daughter's 'Leah, 13' dad (m37) got divorced 3 years ago. We used to share custody of her but now that her dad recently got diagnosed with cancer, things are a bit of a mess.
He and his family have been busy with his illness and since Leah hasn't gone to stay with him for 2 weeks now, he and his sister visited days ago.
They saw each other and he requested a private minute with her in her room. I gave them all the privacy they needed but as soon as I heard commotion I decided to enter the room.
I walked in on them hugging and both him and Leah were crying. I freaked out because I didn't know why she was crying but she refused to answer when I asked. She left the room and I immediately asked her dad what happened. He told me that he just told her about his diagnosis.
I was in shock I asked if he seriously did that and he looked at me confused. I told him he shouldn't have done that without telling me.
He looked even more confused and said that Leah needed to know because he needs her as part of his support to recover and said that he didn't get how and why he was supposed to wait for or consult me.
I got mad and told him this wasn't okay - but he lashed back at me saying he didn't need my permission to tell her since he is her father and since it doesn't concern me but I disagreed...harshly.
I told him he made a huge huge mistake because of how this can (and will) effect her mental and emotional health. he responded by saying that I was unreasonable to expect him to hide his diagnosis from her and act like he's okay when he's not.
he called me selfish because I know how his health will impact his time with her and he doesn't want her to think he's neglecting her when he's going through rough times.
I told him she wouldn't notice especially since I suggested having her come live with me while ge gets treatment which what were doing as of now. He didn't like what I said and tried to walk out but I told him that we weren't done.
His sister came in and starting arguing with me then told him to get ready to leave.
She chewed me off for about 5 mins about how I should stop having expectations of her brother and acting like I have authority or legal connection to him then I had her leave cause I couldn't take it anymore.
We haven't talked since then because his sister has been all over me about it. AITA?
Let's find out.
majesticseesaw writes:
As someone who had a parent go through cancer with a 50-50 chance of survival when I was in my mid teens; op's daughter absolutely deserve to know and needs to know. Yes, it will affect her.
Yes, it might affect her grades. But guess what? Not telling her, not allowing her the knowledge, chance and the time to process and handle it?
That's some utter bs right there. I thought this was about op wanting to be part of telling the daughter. But no. Absolute YTA for wanting to hide this.
fiftyjumps98 writes:
The fact that you're asking in the first place... YTA You made one of the toughest moments of someone who has cancer about you...YTA You didn't offer comfort or encourage either of them... YTA There's so many but that's a few... Oh and one more... YTA
crystalqueen3000 writes:
YTA. You told him she wouldn’t notice and wanted him to hide it from her. She’s 13, not 3. She would absolutely notice.
Normally I’d agree that this warranted a conversation with you so that you could both break the news together and that you’d be there to support your daughter but it’s absolutely clear that you wanted to keep this from her, and I don’t blame your ex for what he did.
He then tried to walk out and you blocked his path, told him you weren’t done and caused a massive scene.
What’s wrong with you?
He has cancer, that’s rough to go through and what he doesn’t need is an ex that thinks she knows better than him getting in his face and causing problems.