Man gets caught lying about work trip to avoid vacay with 'appalling' in- laws. AITA?
When this man is annoyed with his in-laws and takes drastic measures to avoid them, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for lying to my wife about the length of my work trip to avoid a vacation with the in-laws?'
My (34M) wife (31F) and her family (my in laws) had a 5 day long family vacation in July. It was at an air bnb that everyone (wife, her siblings and their spouses, and her parents) stayed in. I happened to have a work trip the same week as the vacation, but it was only two days long so I technically could have gone to the last few days of the vacation.
Here’s the thing about my wife’s family: they’re VERY rowdy. They yell to communicate, get drunk together often, have no respect for each others privacy, and ask very invasive questions. For example, on our wedding day my father in law asked me if I had been practicing my moves for the wedding night and if I needed any advice (I was appalled).
I have told my wife before that sometimes her family can be too rowdy for me, but she gets defensive and says I should accept her family for who they are. There have been times when I’ve asked my wife if I can skip family reunions and birthday parties but she gets very mad at me and says it would be super rude to avoid her family.
So when I found out that my out of state work trip was the same week as the family vacation, I decided to fib to my wife a bit. I told my wife that my work trip was 4 days long and that it wouldn’t make sense for me to travel to the air bnb to stay for only one day. My wife agreed to this. So, I went on the work trip and enjoyed a few days of peace and quiet at our house while my wife enjoyed the vacation with her family.
A few weeks go by and I’m having some coworkers over for drinks. My wife came home from work early and started chatting with my coworkers. She told them about the wonderful vacation she had with her family a few weeks ago and my coworkers asked me why I didn’t join. I told them that the vacation was during our work trip. My coworkers said our work trip was only a 2 days long, why didn’t I catch the end of the family vacation?
The look on my wife’s face was murderous. After my coworkers left my wife started yelling at me saying I was a major AH . She called her parents and they sent me angry messages saying they couldn’t believe I lied to my wife to avoid a vacation with them. AITA for lying to my wife about the length of my work trip even though I know she wouldn’t allow me to skip the family vacation?
Let's find out.
fatigueerror writes:
Yes, Y T A. But really, ESH. Don't lie to your wife, especially when it comes to your whereabouts. That leads to the kinds of suspicions that can destroy the trust in a relationship. (Only exception is going gift shopping for her...) She's an AH for ignoring the fact that you don't want to hang out with her family.
Next time though, instead of asking for permission to skip the family get-together, act like an adult and make your own decision. 'I'll hang out with your family for two days, and then I'm leaving.' or 'Yes, we can go there, but we're getting our own hotel room and I will not be spending every hour with them.'Will that lead to an argument with her? Maybe, but that's better than lying.
asaneth writes:
ESH. Lying to your wife isn't good, but I can understand if her family makes you uncomfortable and she didn't give a shit. She was an AH for insisting on you going, no matter what, and an even bigger AH for calling her parents and letting them know about it instead of handling it with you privately.
She's disloyal and doesn't respect you at all. Time to have a very direct discussion and find a compromise you can both live with, and/or seek marriage counseling so you can have a referee.
consistentchef writes:
NTA. I was going to go with YTA until she told her mommy and daddy on you and I read what they’re like. You shouldn’t have to lie to your spouse but it almost sounds like you actually had to. She and her family sound like a lot to deal with. Her Dad sounds disgusting and I’m sorry for you.