When this man is annoyed with his mother and his pregnant sister, he asks Reddit:
My (26M) sister (27F) is the second child and I am the third in our family. We have one older sister who I will call Natalie (29F) who got married in 2019 and then had her first baby in 2021. My family is super traditional and so Natalie wanted to be the first to get married and have a baby.
She waited two years before finally getting pregnant because of the pandemic and her moving away with her husband. Because of this, my second oldest sister, who I will call Kimberly, waited to get married and get pregnant until after Natalie announced her pregnancy. She had been trying for a child for a few months before I announced the date of my and my fiancés wedding which would be held in September of 2023.
I announced this in the fall of 2022 and I asked her to stop trying for a baby so that she would be able to come to the wedding as it will be a destination wedding and you can’t fly when you’re pregnant. She told me she would take it into consideration but because she had been trying for close to 7 months and she and our oldest sister wanted to have their kids be close in age surprise surprise, she got pregnant soon after.
The real kicker? Her due date is the EXACT SAME DAY as my wedding. I’m furious and so is my fiancé. When we found out it would be the same date, I insisted my mom come to my wedding and not the birth because I announced the wedding date BEFORE Kimberly got pregnant. I have been the primary planner of my wedding and I’m so excited to get married to my fiancé of 5 years.
My whole family knows how much effort I have been putting into the planning since I proposed. Because of this, my mom informed Kimberly she will be coming to my wedding and not the birth. My entire family is split down the middle as to whether my mom should be at attendance at my wedding or the birth of Kimberly’s first child.
For context, my dad is a bit of a ***head and useless in a crisis so mom is definitely the favored parent and the wedding is happening across the country from where Kimberly plans to give birth. This has torn my family apart. So, am I the AH?
I agree that Op is the AH for every reason you listed (Op YTA). That said, he’s not an AH for asking his mom to attend his wedding. His sister knew the date, knew it was across the country, and knew it would be important to Op to have his mom there at his wedding.
OBVIOUSLY Op should not have asked her to adjust her family planning for his wedding (so entitled). But if she wanted her parent at her birth, she should have taken into account that in exactly 9 months her mother was scheduled to be at her brother’s wedding.
ESH. Your whole family’s mentality around putting each other’s major life events on hold to fit the timeline of another person is absurd. Your mom sucks for raising you all to think this way.
It’s absurd that your middle sister waited two years for your older sister, it’s absurd that you expect your sister to hold off trying to get pregnant for your wedding. It’s absurd for you to demand that your mom attend one event over the other. The whole thing is absurd.
YTA. You can't expect someone to stop trying for a baby just because you are getting married. I am surprised you would even asked her such a thing. Also, I understand that you want both your parents at your wedding, but a new mother needs a lot of support.
She will need her mother when the baby is here. And I guess that's the difference between you and your sister here: you WANT your mother, and she NEEDS her mother. Having said that I don't know a single baby who was born on their due date, he/she might come early or late, and your mother might be able to be there for both of you.