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'AITA for waiting 7 months to tell my parents we're expecting our second child?'

'AITA for waiting 7 months to tell my parents we're expecting our second child?'


When this dad to be is annoyed with his parents, he asks Reddit:

'AITA for not telling my parents we're expecting our second child for the last 7 months?'

My wife and I have a wonderful 4 year old son. We're currently 7 months pregnant with our second child, a daughter. My parents have I have a strained relationship for over 20 years dating back to my teens.

During our first pregnancy, we told my parents some things in confidence, including the gender which we were not ready to reveal. Both times, they announced our news on Facebook immediately, and robbed us of the chance to have a gender reveal at our baby shower.

When we found out we were expecting again, I suggested we don't tell my parents (who live a 5 hour drive away) until we are ready to announce it ourselves, to not have our news announced again by someone else. That time came past last weekend, on Mother's Day.

On Sunday I let them know we are expecting our second child to be born this summer. The response from them was 'I'm hurt that you're just telling us now.' I didn't want to bring up old wounds, so I just said we wanted to keep this news special to ourselves for a while. They pressed why we wouldn't tell them earlier and I responded I didn't feel I needed to justify our decision.

Shortly after the call ended my Dad messaged the group chat (My wife, myself, and my parents) to ask again what is the reason we didn't tell them earlier. Finally I said, it's because the things we told you during our last pregnancy all ended up on Facebook before we had a chance to announce them.

My Grandmother passed away suddenly last month. My dad's response to me was 'It would have been nice to tell grandma before she died.' I was shocked, but simply reiterated I don't need to justify our decision and I appreciate his understanding. He responded 'Sorry I don't'. Yesterday we didn't talk, then at 7am this morning today he messaged group chat 'How a man treats his mother tells you everything you need to know.'

I lost it. I replied immediately 'This ends now, answer your phone'. I phoned him 4 times and he didn't answer, so I replied in the chat and I went off on him. 'Fuck you for what you've said the last 36 hours. You have no right to guilt me about grandma or mom. I treated mom with respect. I did nothing wrong.'

I further called him a callous prick, told him if he wanted to repeat his father's mistake of psychologically abusing his children he can pick one of my siblings to victimize instead and that I'm not going to relive the trauma he's still working through.

I told him his deceased mother would turn over in her grave if she knew he was using her as a tool to guilt me. I told him if they want to know my life updates earlier then stop announcing them on Facebook. I told him when he's ready to meet his granddaughter he can apologize to both my wife and myself, and it better be a real good apology because I've never met a bigger asshole than he has been for the last 36 hours. So, Reddit, I need to know. Am I the asshole?

Let's find out.

varioustry writes:

NTA. Your parents are appallingly self-centered and in your father's case just downright nasty. You lost your temper. So what? You were subjected to repeated and escalating provocations culminating in his unforgivable remark about your grandmother. Sometimes it necessary to loose it and give your abuser an honest angry dose of the truth. Stick to your guns with them about the apology. And congratulations on the coming LO.

aedept7 writes:

NTA. You’re under no obligation to tell anyone. I didn’t tell my own father when I was pregnant. He didn’t even know I had a baby until my son was 2 months old. Your decisions are your decisions and you don’t owe justification to anyone. Congratulations by the way! I hope the announcements to everyone else went as you had hoped!

ashleys9 writes:

NTA. People can only disrespect you if you let them. Your parents didn't do the right thing when they had the chance, so you removed the possibility of them disrespecting you again. You handled it well, and your text message to him was firm, but he probably needed to hear that. He was absolutely being a bully with the messages he sent you.

If he believes in the afterlife, then he must believe that your grandmother knows your heart and knows about your daughter. Your parents are toxic. I'm sorry they aren't more supportive, but don't let them ruin this joyful time for you and your wife.

Looks like OP is NTA! Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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