Man asks if he was wrong to sit with 'disowned' son at wife's funeral. AITA?
"AITA for sitting with my son at my wife's funeral?"
I (52M) was with my wife (53F) since high school. We got married and had a son(25M) and daughter (27F). My son came out as gay when he was 16. My wife was never supportive of my son being gay.
He moved out at 19 to live with his boyfriend. My wife tried to pretend he did not exist. None of her family were supportive and would let it be known during family events. As a result, I became distant from my wife and was looking into divorce.
She got diagnosed with breast cancer last year and I put the divorce on hold to help take care of her. Son also helped, but she would push him away. The cancer spread throughout her body and she passed away last week.
We had the service last week and her family made it clear that son and his boyfriend had to sit away from everyone. Her brother approached me asking if I would sit with him and his family. I simply told him no and went to sit with my son.
Everyone gave us dirty glares and it was worse during the reception. Her brother approached me after the service angry that I chose my son over my wife. He even went as far as to say that my wife did not want her son there as he was a disgrace. I am now disgraced by her family for supporting my son. This has caused tension between the families. I just would like to know if I was the AH?
Let's find out.
quirkyusername writes:
NTA but your wife's family sure as shit is. I'm sorry for this tough time. High five for being a supportive parent to your son. It sounds like he really needed you.
generallei writes:
Your wife is gone. Nothing you do now can offend her or cause her harm. What you do can and will affect your son though. You did the right thing, OP. The needs of the living come before the perceived wants of those passed. I’m sorry for your loss but so glad that your son knows he has you. NTA.
wolfgoddess writes:
NTA. Your son deserves to know that he has someone in his corner, especially if his maternal relatives feel the same way about him as your wife. Sitting with him at the funeral doesn't mean that you were choosing him over your wife; it means that you love your son.