Man tells wife to stop being a jealous b***h about his career. Wife ices him out.
When this man is at odds with his wife, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my wife to stop being a jealous b*tch?'
Both my wife (f31) and I(m32) work in the tech industry. We graduated from the same university with the same degree, and work for the same company. Where we differ is within the company, I opted to go down the management route, and her down a more technical route. For one reason or another, she has not gotten a promotion or (proper) raise in nearly 2 years, which has led to a bit of an income imbalance between us where I currently earn double what she does.
I’ve felt a bit of jealousy from her side, but I’ve always chalked up to her competitive attitude. She’s made jokes in the past regarding how the only reason I earn more than her is because I’m a man (my direct superior is a woman) and how I’m fortunate I’m a good talker because I would otherwise not be as successful (true).
This all culminated to a bit of what I thought was banter (it was not) last week where she said she was smarter than me and I kept making dumb comments ( things like “man smart woman dumb haha”) which agitated her further. She then spent the next several hours making me take those dumb online IQ tests until I intentionally failed one which pissed her off even more. Then this past weekend she “had a surprise” for me (which was an official IQ test).
We got the results yesterday and imagine the scenes when I scored higher. She was obviously infuriated, and kept saying dumb shit which I kept laughing off until she called me a “f**** drug baby”. My bio mom was a drug addict and I’ve had no relationship with her since I was 5 (she died before I turned 18).
This upset me more than it should (considering she wasn’t really wrong) and I in turn resorted to calling her a “dumb jealous b**ch”. She has not spoken to me since and is sleeping in a guest bedroom tonight. I think I’m justified in my actions but I do feel bad that I used her insecurities against her in the heat of the moment. So AITA?
Let's find out.
scala44 writes:
Sorry but this is in no way E S H. She’s been harbouring this resentment towards him. He always thought of it as a joke. She’s TA in this situation. He’s just responding to her. And his responses aren’t even bad at all. He called her out for her behaviour but he’s AH for it? Makes no sense.
teapur writes:
NTA. No idea why you'd say ESH after that cruel low blow by the wife. She sounds awful. Making him do IQ tests so she can prove she's smarter? Constantly shit talking her partner for his success? She's borderline abusive, and if the genders were reversed (check that off your AITA bingo cards, folks!) everyone would be flipping their shit at how OP's partner was behaving.
bbrich writes:
ESH. 'Glass ceiling' is a real thing, sexism in the workplace is a real thing. Men are privileged. Women can be sexist, your boss being a woman doesn't stop it. But that's not your fault as an individual, and as your wife, she shouldn't be placing the blame on you, nor calling you names when the ones to blame are her superiors. I understand her resentment, but her blaming is misguided.
You, on the other hand, as her husband, should not step down to her level and call her names back, especially such a sexist slur when she's already resentful over her treatment as a woman. Get couples therapy, try to understand each other better, and you try to support her in addressing her superiors regarding this issue, and she must learn to be more supportive of your career.