Man tells wife to 'please take care of her appearance.' AITA? Wife says he is.
When this man is annoyed with his wife, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my wife I wish she would take care of herself like her friends do?'
6 years ago I met my now wife and we hit it off. We had all the same interest, same views, same goals in life. The only issue we had was how we felt about each other's appearance. I don't need a woman who hides herself with make up, in fact I oppose that, but I do like my woman to have her hair managed and does dress up a little when we go on dates.
Now my then girlfriend wasn't like that - she had a masculine sense of fashion and let her frizzy hair wayward. After our talk we set some ground rules - we weren't going to change our appearances for one another, but there were factors we take into consideration; she liked a well trimmed beard and certain length hair cut so I made sure to maintain those things. I asked she put some effort into how she dressed on our date. I never said it had to be a dress, but just a nice blouse.
8 months in of dating we almost broke up because while I fulfilled my end of the bargain, she never did. I explained I didn't want her to be uncomfortable and what I want shouldn't come before that, so it was best we split. She decided she loved me and put in more of an effort.
We get married, move in together and life gets rolling. But as it does she went back into her old ways of never dressing up or managing her hair. I still keep my beard trim the way she likes it, along with my hair cut. When I mentioned it to her she shrugs and says, 'we're married now, it doesn't matter'. To me it does.
She has 2 close friends - both wives and moms too. Whenever I see them they're both dressed nicely and cleaned up. They invite my wife to get her hair trimmed with them or attend a yoga class but she always say no, she's pretty enough she doesn't need those things. It frustrates me.
Yesterday she was mocking her friend for getting highlights in her hair, saying it was ridiculous and unnatural, and I snapped back I wish she would take care of herself like her friends do. She left for her parents, both who are blowing up my phone now and trying to get me to bring our son over. AITA?
Let's find out.
cheerilyterrified writes:
YTA. I really don't know what else to say. You allegedly love this woman but you're willing to throw it all away because she isn't groomed to your standards? What if she got sick and couldn't look the way you wanted any more, would you be gone too?
onedumbpony writes:
I was going to go with E S H, but honestly YTA. I don't think you know how hard it is to have frizzy/wavy hair and a lot of it. Her hair can be clean from a wash and still be frizzy because its the type of hair she has. I've tried all sorts of hair products, shampoos, and conditioners and yet it's still frizzy.
The only thing that stops it for a couple hours is straightening, but that gives me split ends. She could make more of an effort by dressing up, but if you don't like 'big' hair then don't marry/date someone with it.
texasworld writes:
Yeah, I think this is a case of a guy not getting female fashion, which isn't a criticism, but its a legitimate miscommunication. If I just slapped some frilly pretty bLoUsE on top of my normal clothes, it'd look...weird. 'Horse girl wearing her Church shirt over her bootcut jeans and Sketchers'-tier. When I need to dress up, it's waaaay easier to throw on one dress than to slam all my very un-dressy casual clothes together.
What OP needs to delineate is what he means by 'masculine style.' Does she wear very structured clothes and suits? Or is she dressing like a slob in an old Walmart Tweety Bird t-shirt with BBQ sauce stains? Is she a crust punk? Does she only wear athleisure?
There's so many possiblities of what a 'masculine style' could be, and it would be valid to be frustrated with a partner presenting themselves poorly, but not for simply having a different sense of style.