Man's wife wants to be a SAHM. He tells her 'trust me, you're not cut out for this.'
When this man tells his wife the truth, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my wife I don't think she should be a SAHM?'
I (M30s) live with my wife (F30s) and our two kids (M7 and F3). My wife and I both have full-time jobs. Our eldest is in public school 5 days a week and our youngest is in daycare 3 days a week. My wife and I work around each other's schedules. When it comes to housework, I do all the cleaning and laundry as my wife really hates those tasks, and I also do all the cooking. My wife does the grocery shopping.
My job recently offered me a promotion. If I accepted it, I would have a significant increase in pay. The issue is that my job would become a lot more stressful, and I'd have to work more hours. This wouldn't be doable with our current household setup. I talked to my wife about it and she suggested that she quit her job and become a SAHM. She seemed really eager.
The issue is that I really don't think my wife is cut out to be a SAHM and I think she would hate it after a few weeks. She hates cleaning, she hates cooking, and she loves her current job. I also think my wife has an idealistic view of being a SAHM. She keeps telling me about how easy her life will be and how she'll be so productive.
I asked my wife if she would really enjoy it, considering that she'd have to do more housework than she currently does. She insists that she wouldn't mind. I told my wife I think it would be better if I turned down my promotion and we carried on as we are.
She told me to stop being ridiculous and that she'd make a great SAHM and that it would be good for the kids. I said that I don't think being a SAHM would be good for her and pointed out that she hates housework and how she loves her current job.
My wife got really mad at me and accused me of calling her incompetent. I told her that's not what I meant and that I just don't think being a SAHM is right for her. She told me that I do. AITA?
Let's find out.
flatterdpan writes:
Relaxing? Being a SAHP is not relaxing. Trying to take a shit while your kid is breaking out of their playpen to run around and turn on all the taps in the house isn't relaxing. Trying to make a cup of tea that DOESN'T have a hot wheels in it the moment you look away is not relaxing.
Trying to decipher why your child is acting like you're keelhauling them when you give them peanut butter toast when they asked for it (they thought peanut butter was jam, a 30 minute ordeal). Waking up at 3am to them crying because they can't find the tag on their blanket, but now that you're there can you sing them seven verses of wheels on the bus? Being scratched, bit, hit, jumped on and headbutted daily... Not. Relaxing.
I returned to work after 1 year and my god. Sitting down with a cup of coffee, opening a spreadsheet, talking to my coworkers, eating a full lunch slowly with music in my ears if I want...heaven.
ymhnwr9 writes:
NAH. But I think you could consider other options, like taking the promotion & out sourcing housework. Hire cleaning help & people to do outside chores. Subscribe to a meal service that delivers prepared or partially prepared meals to your house. Edit since it appears it’s not clear: OP takes the promotion. Wife keeps her job. They pay someone else to do the chores (house cleaning, meal prep, yard work, etc) so that they still have some free time.
wholead8 writes:
NTA, and oof, that's a loaded discussion. Obviously, her quitting would be a loss of income (presumably covered by your promotion), but yeah, she also needs to fully commit and be aware of the additional responsibilities she has to uphold. If she can't do it, it will mean more expense and drama trying to do it for her.