Man won't ask GF's dad's permission to propose, dad refuses to pay for wedding.
When this man is annoyed with his fiance, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for not asking my girlfriends father for permission to marry her?'
So I feel like the normal situation I read about is the opposite situation, but I personally feel I am in the right here. I (30M) been dating my girlfriend(29F) for 4 years now, and things have all in all been pretty good.
We both don't see eye to eye politically on many things with her father, (there's some bigotry happening there) but still visit him and her mother fairly frequently around holidays and he is friendly enough to know to not bring up politics around the both of us because we don't agree, but I digress.
I've talked about proposing to my girlfriend over the past couple months and about what she wants etc, and she mentioned she wanted me to ask her dad for permission. I was kind of taken aback by this isn't a normal thing my girlfriend would say. So I asked why? She said because it's something she would like me to do, her sisters husband did it, and some wedding funding from him would likely be contingent on me doing this.
I came back with that I wouldn't be asking another person person for permission to marry her. It's an extremely outdated tradition for one, and I'm a 30 year old person, I can do what I want to do with someone I love. I don't need anyone else's permission.
She got mad and said I just needed to do it, because it's a small thing to ask for, and she wants some of the money to have a few more things at our wedding that we won't be able to afford without it. I'm continuing to stand my ground about not asking for this. AITA?
Let's find out.
throwaway75 writes:
NTA You are honoring a dying man's wish. If the son will not honor the man's wish, that is the reason he was not put in charge. Let the man die with dignity. It will be a hard fight for you, but you will thank yourself for it when you come out on the other side of your grief.
If he keeps getting pushy point out that his unwillingness to honor his father's wishes is the reason he doesn't have any legal power here. They took it away from him for a reason.
barbystein writes:
I'm honestly going with NAH. I completely understand your side, and logically it doesn't make sense to ask for permission. However, not everything about relationships is logical. Especially with religious/conservative parents.
I grew up in a religious family so I can understand where she might be coming from, but it may be a way for her to feel like you are being fully welcomed in the family. It's a verbal approval from her father that he is okay with you marrying her, and honestly parental approval is always craved, especially in households where it isn't always given.
It could also be a way for her to try to maintain some semblance of a relationship with her parents (ie an olive branch) especially if things are strained due to political differences. Also if her parents will contribute more money this way, she could be looking forward to a dream wedding that needs extra funds.
When my aunt got married, her husband just had a simple conversation with my grandfather. More of like a 'I am planning on asking your daughter to marry me, and I wanted to let you know, man to man' kinda thing. Maybe this would be more of a middle ground for you. Tldr: totally on your side, I think it's stupid to ask, but I understand it might be an emotionally important thing for her so I would probably do it in one fashion or another.