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Man asks if he's wrong to skip homophobic sister's wedding to go to gay club.

Man asks if he's wrong to skip homophobic sister's wedding to go to gay club.


When this man is hurt by his sister, he asks Reddit:

'AITA for skipping my homophobic sister’s wedding to go to a gay club?'

I (23M) used to be super close with my older sister (29F). Growing up, I idolized her. When I came out as gay at 14, she was super supportive, but everything changed when she met her now husband during her senior year of college. He grew up in a very traditional Christian household. They met at a frat mixer at Bama (she was in a sorority, he was in a frat).

I should mention that despite being supportive when I came out, my sister has always been neutral about politics. After she met her BF, that’s when I noticed our relationship started to change. When I would talk about guys, my sister would get visibly uncomfortable and change the subject. One time when her fiancé was on Facetime with us, I mentioned a Tinder date with a guy, and she told him I was joking.

We sort of grew apart as we got older. I moved to California for college; she stayed in Alabama. We still called each other, but I sort of stopped talking about my love life with her. When my sister’s BF proposed, I was happy for her, though I hadn’t really gotten to know him super well. They set the date for a year later. A few months after, I met my current boyfriend of 8 months. Coincidentally, I found out that my BF’s birthday was also the day of my sis’s wedding. We talked about this in advance and decided to celebrate his birthday a different day.

Three weeks ago, I told my sis I was planning on bringing my BF to her wedding. She told me earlier that I was allowed to bring a plus-one (she knows about my BF). During the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, I brought my BF with me. At dinner, I noticed my sister seemed somewhat distant. At one point, I could see her fiancé looking toward my BF and me and whispering, “they’re going to make me and my family uncomfortable.”

After dinner, my sister pulled me aside and told me she didn’t think I should bring my BF to the wedding. I asked her why, and she said they were having a traditional wedding in a church and she just wanted things to be a certain way. I was pretty offended, and I asked her why she had a problem with me being gay all of a sudden. She said it was fine that I was gay, but I shouldn’t force it on everyone else. That was the last straw.

I told my BF, and he was very hurt. I was also upset, so I told my BF we weren’t going to the wedding. We decided to go home and go out for his bday instead. I felt guilty for missing my sister’s wedding, and I know I’m not blameless here: we were close for so long that it hurts regardless of what she said to me. But I felt so invalidated during that rehearsal dinner, and I made a decision, and I can’t undo that.

My sister hasn’t spoken to me since the wedding. I was supposed to be a groomsman, and I texted her the morning of to tell her I wasn’t coming. She didn’t reply. I do think I owe her an apology, but I think she also owes me one. Is it time to cut her off for a while, or should I be the one to apologize? AITA?

Let's find out.

curiousone98 writes:

Yeah. NTA. The gall of his sister. OP did the right thing here, even if it wasn’t easy. If he is not accepted and honored for who he is and who he loves, then he can’t be in a wedding to support and honor her love and union. The only effective way to address it is to go no contact unless and until she changes her mind. Hopefully she’ll apologize.

traditionalbats9 writes:

NTA. She chose a homophobic man because she’s a homophobe. Her “don’t rub it in peoples faces” is rich since you’re going to a wedding where they’re rubbing their hetero relationship on everyone there. You and your boyfriend were putting his birthday on pause for their wedding and she completely disrespected that and you. You didn’t choose your boyfriend over her. She chose her husband and his homophobic family over your and your partners comfort and existence. I hope you had an amazing time with your boyfriend for his birthday.

temptingpenguin writes:

NTA. Her comment about you 'forcing it on everyone else' is bonkers. Did she think you planned on forcing sex on every man at the wedding? I find it heartbreaking that she allowed this bigoted homophobe and his family to change her views and ruin her relationship with you. I'm glad you stood by your boyfriend. A gay club sounds much more fun than a wedding with guests who judge you for whom you love.

Looks like OP is NTA! Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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