Mom allows 5 yo daughter to exclude family from upcoming bday party. AITA?
When this mom is feeling guilty, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for allowing daughter to exclude family?'
My daughter’s fifth birthday is coming up and we are having a party with family. My husband and I agreed to let my daughter choose who she wants to invite - she chose to invite everyone in my family and my husband’s family - except for my husband’s mom and stepfather.
A bit of backstory is that my MIL and FIL live out-of-state and have taken absolutely no interest in my daughter’s life; they haven’t even seen her in three years. During the past three years, my husband and I have tried to get them to FaceTime my daughter, but to no avail.
My MIL recently (as in the last few weeks) started calling her once a week or so, but it took so many attempts to even get to that point. My MIL and FIL are both retired, so the lack of effort is certainly not due to a lack of time. They are also financially well-off and have taken MANY trips in the last few years, just not to see us.
Well, my MIL and FIL invited themselves out here during the days of my daughter’s birthday and birthday party, so when they found out my daughter doesn’t want them here, they were very offended.
My MIL is complaining to the rest of my husband’s family about how hurt she is. I’m of the mindset that she has made no effort with my daughter, so why should my daughter have to include her in her birthday? But my husband is starting to feel guilty and the rest of his family is saying how hurt his mom is. So, AITA?
Let's find out.
hugeput writes:
YTA. Are you really blaming this on the whims of a five year old? What if she randomly decided that she didn't want anyone from your side of the family there? Why would you even tell them they weren't wanted by your 5 year old?
Why create that tension when you claim that you want them to have a relationship? You want them to be salty at a 5 year old?To me it sounds retaliatory. You were all too happy to let them know they were being rejected because you felt rejected.
apirol writes:
YTA. Your daughter is turning 5, she won’t be upset if her grandparent is at her birthday party. Rather, you have issues with the grandparent and are trying to pass that down to your daughter. Don’t use your daughter as ammunition for issues you have with other family members. Let her grow up and make her own decisions about who she cares about based on who made an effort to spend time with her in her life.