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Mom accuses dad of abuse when they argue over neurodivergent child's diet. AITA?

Mom accuses dad of abuse when they argue over neurodivergent child's diet. AITA?


When this mom feels annoyed with her husband, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for taking the vegetables of my kid's burgers?'

I (39 F) have 3 kids, 6 F, 9 M, and 12 F. My husband (40 M) and I decided a few days ago to take the kids to our local restaurant, as a treat, because we don't do that often. My husband is a bit of a health nut, and is VERY restrictive of the foods my kids eat, which is the main source of our arguments.

On Thursday, we went to the restaurant, and the kids were super excited. The server was asking what the kids wanted, when my 12 year old (We'll call her Emily) said, 'Cheeseburger with bacon'. My husband butted in and said, 'With lettuce and tomato' Emily's face immediately fell. My husband didn't even notice, and Emily looked super bummed.

After the sever took our orders, my husband turned to Emily, and asked her what's wrong. She said that she didn't want lettuce and tomato on her burger, because she doesn't like them. He sighed and said that that they've been through this a million times, and having vegetables with every meal was super important. Emily looked like she was about to cry. She is neurodivergent and a lot of food taste's and textures really bother her, tomatoes being a large one. My husband doesn't seem to care, which REALLY bothers me.

When the food came, Emily didn't even touch the burger. So when my husband went to the bathroom, I took the lettuce and tomato off the burger, put them on mine, and winked at Emily. She grinned and gladly ate her burger. My husband didn't say anything about it, until that night.

He told me that taking the vegetables off was a violation of his trust, because he was just looking out for our daughter. I told him that it was just one meal, and not having vegetables ONCE wasn't a big deal. He said that those vegetables were very important. I left the room, and have been talking to him as little as possible.

So Reddit, AITA for taking the vegetables off my daughters burger? I think I might be TAH because it's just lettuce and tomato, and my kids having vegetables is really important to my husband, but I feel like he was being super controlling, and I NEVER want to see my child upset. AITA?

Let's find out.

sunayoshi writes:

Can we point out he’s bordering on abuse imo? OPs daughter is ND and she clearly gets set off by certain food items and he is forcing her to eat them with the explicit knowledge of what he is doing.

Way I see it, the high potential for eating issues/disorders in the future and the almost abusive level of control hubby is trying to push on everyone. All that makes him a tremendous fucking asshole. OP is definitely NTA. She’s got to stand up for her children when they can’t do it for themselves yet. Especially with a giant creep like hubby.

ethicalroaster writes:

This!! “Unhealthy relationship with food” this is SO important— beyond what some parents may know. Associating upset and even shame with food is putting this poor child on an incredibly dangerous road. It’s not just about the husband being super controlling (which he is, like dude…. Yikes.

There’s a LOT to unpack there), it’s about how this will seriously mess up their child more than they might know. I pray this poor girl doesn’t develop an eating disorder. (That may sound extreme but that is a highly likely outcome of this).

equivalentquip writes:

You are NTA, but your husband absolutely is. He needs to do some serious, SERIOUS reading up on all the ways that he's going to cause eating disorders and unhealthy ideas about food to your children.

As someone who struggled with a disordered relationship with food that began when I was 8 years old, please believe that it takes SO much work to heal from that and so little to cause the damage in the first place. He needs to stop commenting on their food choices, period.

Looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for her as she deals with her husband's parenting?

Sources: Reddit
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