'AITA for flaunting my fertility in front of SIL? She’s struggling to get pregnant.'
When this mom is annoyed with her SIL, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for pumping milk in front of my SIL when she’s struggling with getting pregnant?'
For starters, this conflict is not with my SIL, but with my Husband (J). Some info because it’s easy to miss stuff-I was on my period ; I get bad periods and usually take medication, but haven’t whilst breastfeeding; I always pump A LOT of excess milk, and donate frequently; When on my period, I leak from my breasts a lot more; Our child is 6 months; I have PPD
I sadly have no living family members, so my Husband makes an effort to make plans with his so I can connect with them. I get on great with everyone, that has never been an issue.
Last week my SIL invited us both round for dinner, as J’s Mother was staying with us for the week (she lives out of town). Whilst we originally accepted the invitation, the day of (a couple days later) I was hesitant to go, and asked J if he minded if I stayed home- he did.
I had just gotten my period that morning, and I could already tell today was going to be a hard day for me mentally- I just didn’t feel like I would be able to let our child out of sight, let alone leave them for a few hours- yes I am in therapy, yes I can still have bad days.
Anyway, J ended up convincing me to go as SIL had sadly once again not gotten pregnant through a round of IVF. Everything was going well until near the end of dinner, when I realised breast milk had leaked through my shirt.
I honestly had nothing left in me after this, and just wanted to go home. My SIL said she understood completely (she’s so supportive LOVE her), and had no problem with it. My Husband however was embarrassed and said no to us leaving.
My SIL gave me one of her shirts, and moved us to their couch to start pumping. J was still in the dining room with SIL’s Husband, so I had already finished pumping one breast by the time he came into the lounge.
When he did though, he just started yelling at me. He started ranting about how horrible I had been to his sister all day, by not wanting to go etc. and now apparently I was shoving it in her face that we have a baby and she doesn’t. That I'm flaunting my fertility.
Mind you- all I wanted to do was go home. I was cramping like hell, bleeding through products every hour (don’t try to educate me on my own period please) and missing our child who I never wanted to leave in the first place.
I tried to reason with J, but he said that our child is 6 months old and this is getting ridiculous now. We left after this, but on the drive home J said his sister’s Husband has been giving him flack for marrying someone like me who is weak and pathetic.
When we got home early, J explained the situation to his Mom and she was on his side- which surprised me as we have never butted heads in the past, and SIL wasn’t even upset about it.
She believes that my SIL is just putting on a front because she’s a really kind person but was likely upset by actions- that comment made me think I might actually be in the wrong. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
giraffethoughts writes:
NTA. But your husband is. If I didn’t pump or breastfeed when I needed too, I would come down almost immediately with a fever and then mastitis.
You’re not pumping because you want to, you’re doing it because it’s biologically necessary right now and if you don’t, you will be uncomfortable, and eventually in excruciating pain and potentially become very sick.
emptyalone writes:
NTA. You know, after I had my second child, I thought I was suffering PPD. Until my fantastic doctor said, “You need to ask yourself, are you depressed because of internal stuff, or is it that you are surrounded by thoughtless assholes?”
It sounds like you, just like I was, are surrounded by thoughtless assholes. Why is this man telling you how other are supposedly trashing you? The only reason to say that is if he is explaining why he is cutting this person out of your life.
I don’t want to tell you to leave, but I do want you to start paying attention to how this man treats you and your child, and take the actions you would beg your best friend to take if she was in your situation.
professionalduck8 writes:
He didnt let her stay home, he didnt allow her to go home when she started leaking milk amd feeling more uncomfortable. He screamed at her, and everyone in the house could hear him. Basically belittled her in front of hid family.
Said on the way home the other dude said she is weak amd pathetic. Tattled the story to MIL. yeah, what a prince DISGUSTING charming. Ii usually dont say to div2, but in this case, DEFINITELY THINK about it at least. Deeply.
Talk to a therapist. Open your eyes. No need for enemies if you have a husband like this. NTA.