Mom wants to force teen son to use bathroom before his sister takes a bath. AITA?
When this mom is torn about how to parent her teenagers, she asks Reddit:
'WIBTA If I started forcing my teen son to go to the bathroom before his sister has a bath?'
My daughter (13) has severe endometriosis. To the point where she has been given morphine in the hospital. One thing that really helps her is hot baths - burning hot, to the point where she's pink when she finally climbs out. She will sit in there for hours some days, but is happy to get out for us to use the bathroom once the pain has eased off some.
My son (15) has ADHD and is bad at grasping his own bodily needs until the last minute. Every time she asks to get in the bath I run by him and ask if he needs the toilet, at which point he says no. Then, every single time, he will bang on the toilet door because he's desperate for the toilet. My daughter struggles to get in and out of the bath for the first hour while she's calming down, trying to relax herself.
This leads to one of two situations; she drags herself out, sobbing, and then he cries because he feels bad, or he ends up peeing in the yard. Or the kitchen sink. Which... I dont like, per se. Or the one time where I yelled at him over it and he wet himself (through holding it too long) which was even worse for my daughter as she had to wait longer then.
I feel bad for both of them, but even the wet pants issue isn't enough to get him to pay more attention. The last couple of times I've tried to force him to go to the bathroom and he's gotten angry because he's not a little kid. I get it - his teachers and things treat him incapable because of his bathroom issues, but its still not fair for him to continue disrupting his sister, or pissing down my drains and in my plants.
I feel like an asshole regardless, but would physically forcing him through threats put me in that category indefinitely? AITA?
Let's find out.
nuclearrobothamster writes:
NAH. If you only have the one bathroom and your daughter needs to use the bathtub for several hours then you need to come up with an alternate bathroom in case of emergencies.
A family friend had a similar issue in her household and bought a portable convalescent toilet that could be set up in a room and then emptied in the regular toilet at a later time. Not everyone can plan/predict when they need the bathroom.
kufat writes:
NTA. If your son wants to avoid being treated as incapable, he needs to start demonstrating some level of basic capability. ADHD or not, he's 15. It's one thing to not notice his bodily needs until they become urgent. It's quite another to fail to notice his own weakness in the area and to plan accordingly. Also...just give him an empty soda bottle.
As for your daughter, she needs a uterine ablation or something...unfortunately she probably won't be able to get it, because the medical establishment seems more interested in preserving fertility than in anything relating to quality of life when it comes to women and girls.
yearonetech writes:
NTA. Your son has to learn to manage his ADHD issues. Going to the bathroom before your daughter takes a bath is an easy thing he can do to help cope with his condition.
It doesn't matter if he thinks it's childish, he has to learn to cope. I'm not sure how he thinks his day to day life is going to go if he never learns how to manage his bladder. There's going to be loads of situations where he's not going to have immediate access to a restroom. He has to learn to cope, and take steps to address this issue.