Mom asks if she's wrong to not cater to her son's GF's emotional needs.
When this mom is feeling confused about how to act with her son's girlfriend, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not catering to my son’s girlfriend enough?'
New account, but I’ve been reading here for a while. My (64f) son (31) was over and I was asking him about his girlfriend of about 3 years. Now, I’ve only met her a handful of times, but I know they’re serious because they plan trips and talk about buying a home. I asked why she never comes over bc it seems like she doesn’t like me.
I’ve asked him this before and he never gave an answer, but today he seemed fed up and pretty much told me it was because of me. He told me that I act “too weird and intense.” When I wanted examples, he told me 1) I kept on interrupting conversations she was having with my husband - but it was because I think she was bored.
2) I try to get too close to her during dinner - I would have thought she’d want to sit next to me and get to know me since she can sit next to my son any other time. 3) I wasn’t very hospitable by asking her to help with clean up and not offering her coffee when I offered everyone else. I will admit that is true because I didn’t think she’d want any.
And he also brought up something I did with his ex years ago, which I’ve already apologized for. I told him I think this is ridiculous. She’s a very smart and capable woman. I told him I don’t understand why she needs to be catered to like this. She can get her own coffee! He told me it’s not worth trying to explain things and ended up leaving.
WITAH the asshole for doing that to his girlfriend, and for thinking she’s quite immature for not wanting to come over to my house bc she wasn’t catered to enough? She may think I’m too weird but I don’t think that justifies not coming over when she’s in a serious relationship with my son. AITA?
Let's find out.
redditstaffcode writes:
YTA this isn't her 'needing to be catered to'. I highly suspect this is you being weirdly misogynistic. Sounds like you think she's too stupid to hold a conversation with a man Sounds like you think the womanfolk need to fade into the background for their hentalk and leave the Menfolk alone to have their smart and wise discussions.
She was your guest and yet you made her clean up with you instead of your husband taking care of your guests and explicitly excluded her from coffee, which I'm GUESSING has to do something with your belief it's time for her to get barefoot and pregnant.
At the very least, you know what they say about ASSuming. WHY would you assume she was bored talking to your husband or wouldn't want coffee? Bar anything else, that's just extremely rude (as is interrupting!!!).
Finally, an apology without action means nothing. Sounds like you're repeating the same old patterns of how you mistreated his ex instead of learning and growing and handling things differently. Your apology is meaningless.
snoobunnies writes:
YTA. As a mom to adult children I have to say that you seem to be over bearing when it comes to this woman. She sits next to your son because that's who she's comfortable with. You butted into a conversation she was having with your husband, made her clean up like she's a maid, didn't offer her coffee when you offered it to others, and then make your son feel bad for bringing these things up. You need to own your mistakes, apologize to this young lady, and do better next time.
leadspar writes:
YTA. Not because you weren't 'catering' to her. YTA because you made assumptions and made decisions without bothering to ask her what she wanted.