'Mother-of-the-groom invites kids to her son’s adults-only wedding, 'of course, NO PROBLEM.'

"Mother-of-the-groom invites kids to her son’s adults-only wedding..."

My husband’s cousin is getting married next month, in a brunch reception at a pretty fancy and highly-rated restaurant. When we received the RSVP in the mail, it was addressed only to him and me, so I hopped on the wedding website and checked the FAQs to see if it was an adults-only event (we have a toddler).

There was nothing on the website, so we decided to ask my MIL (aunt of the groom) to tactfully find out whether kids were welcome. She asked her sister, who said, “Of course, no problem! Kids are more than welcome!”

Well, it comes time to actually RSVP for the wedding, and when I go online to do so, there are only RSVPs for my husband and I listed. Suspicious, and wanting to be extra sure we wouldn’t ruin the wedding, I asked my husband to text the groom directly to be triple sure. Guess what— it is indeed an adults-only event!

We’ve now texted all my husband’s other relatives with kids to let them know their kids are not, in fact, welcome. Everyone is having to change their plans and their RSVPs because they were also told by mother of the groom that it was a kid-friendly event.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Gangster-Girl said:

Good on you for checking and re-checking. Also for alerting others. The important point in your post is that the mother of the groom is inviting kids to an adults-only wedding not whether you could have deduced that from the invitation.

I also understand that you asked MIL to check with the MOG because you probably didn’t want to bother the happy couple. MOG is doing everyone a disservice. I wonder if she is pushing her own opinions/agenda onto the couple.

SheedRanko said:

Who the f has a No Kids wedding and doesn't inform the invitees?

sprite9797 said:

It seems obvious to me that your kid was not invited…

Misschiff0 said:

So, when the invite was addressed only to you two, that was actually a crystal clear statement that only the two of you were invited. Etiquette is very very clear on this. If your whole family had been invited it would have been something like Mr. and Mrs. John and Emily Doe and then on the next line it would have been Miss Baby Doe. Invited children are listed from oldest to youngest.

Not listed people are never invited. Gently, it may have been rude to ask the MIG. She does not have the power to invite people unless she is the host (which would have been indicated on the invite up top by the wording of who was doing the inviting)...

And it puts her in the awkward place of having to tell you that uninvited guests (even if they are your children) are not, in fact, invited. The faux pas here was yours, unfortunately.

Dangerous-Dream-7730 said:

Your first mistake was asking the Mother of the Groom, and not Groom or the Bride.

jackanddiane1670 said:

I mean the MOG may not know and have assumed. 20 years ago weddings were much more kid friendly so she may not know they’re doing it kid free? I don’t see this as a big deal, the bride and groom should have specified in the FAQ to be extra clear but seems just like a lack of communication.

After reading some comments, OP responded to include more information:

Since a few people are commenting it’s my fault for not understanding it was adults-only from the invitation address alone— yes I assumed, based on the invitation, that we were the only ones invited. I wanted to confirm because I have been to and been in enough weddings to know that “no kids” means different things to different couples.

One of my friends had a no-kids wedding but let under-2s come, for example. If my kid was older, I wouldn’t even have asked, but because he’s as young as he is (still in diapers!) I thought it was worth checking.

To quote a commenter, “if they’re young enough not to need their own seat on an airplane then it’s not really a RSVP issue as they won’t need a chair or a plate of food, so it needs to be made clear that the issue is KIDS, not the headcount.” The only FAQs on the website are about dress code and how to get to the restaurant.