"My boyfriend cheated on me...so I got revenge."
For context, I (28F) am autistic. I would be considered “high-functioning,” which means that I live by myself, I have a job, I have a group of close friends, and I am generally very good at hiding my difficulties.
When I was 26, I was dating a guy (28M at the time); let’s call him Tom. I was head over heels for Tom, and he seemed way out of my league. There were a few red flags here and there, but I was ignoring them. For example, I have a disability card that allows me to skip waiting lines so I don’t get too overwhelmed (especially in supermarkets).
He would get upset when I tried to use it because he would rather wait than be seen dating a disabled person. It’s horrible, I know, but when you’ve been bullied your entire life, you sometimes start to rationalize this type of bad behavior.
We had been dating for about 6 months when I recommended a movie I had just seen at a local indie cinema and absolutely loved. When we saw each other the following week, he happily told me that he had seen the movie and really liked it too. We talked about it for a while, and during the conversation I asked who he went with, thinking he went with one of his friends.
His answer left me speechless: “Oh, it was a date!”, as if it were the most normal to say. I swear I felt my heart break. I was unable to say anything (mostly out of confusion) so I suppose he felt the need to keep the conversation going and explain himself. “What did you expect? It’s fun to hang out with you, but I thought you knew that no one would want to be with a disabled person long-term”, he said.
“You would be a burden to me. I have high expectations for my life, and I don’t need this kind of inconvenience.” It was probably the most traumatic conversation I have ever had in my life. I went home immediately and cried myself to sleep. But the next day… the next day, all I felt was anger... and the need for a petty revenge.
One thing about Tom is that he has some kind of inferiority complex. At the time, we were living in a small city, and despite having a good job, he felt bad about not having a PhD or working for a bigger company (ideally abroad). At the time, I was in the middle of my own PhD.
So, the day after our break-up, I sat down at my computer and applied for funding to spend a year as a visiting student at his dream university - one of the top universities in the world. And I got in.
It was terrifying, because it meant moving abroad, far from my family, which at the time felt impossible for someone with a disability. But I stood my ground, and a few months later I was on my way to dream-university. I loved it there: not only did it significantly improve my work, but I also grew as a person.
At the end of the year abroad, I brilliantly defended my PhD and received an offer for a postdoctoral position at dream-university. Along the way, I met the man who will become my future husband; who is not only the kindest man on earth, but also extremely successful and world-renowned in his field.
When I came back to our city, Tom texted me to catch up, and I agreed. It turns out that while I was living my best life at dream-university, his own life changed for the worse. He applied to jobs at the big companies he had always dreamed of, but was rejected by all of them before even reaching the interview stage.
All of his friends found top jobs abroad, which meant that he was the last one in his group of friends still living in our city. He was feeling very lonely and miserable. He wasn’t dating anyone, although I can guess from his Instagram following list that he has been on dates with a few 18-year-olds (he’s now 29, which I find a bit cringe). He also keeps fighting with his dad about not doing a PhD.
Throughout the conversation, I didn’t blame him for how he had treated me. Instead, I did my best to look happy and carefree, and I casually dropped anecdotes about my new life at dream-university, doing my dream job, with my dream boyfriend.
A year has passed since then. As far as I know, he’s still around, still single and still working at the job he doesn’t like. As for me, I’ll be getting engaged this summer, and I’m currently packing my things to move permanently to dream-university. And that, y'all, is the proof that the best petty revenge is a life well-lived :)
Additional information: While I was abroad, a friend of mine posted an Instagram story with the girl I suspected he had cheated with. I found the courage to text her and ask about it. Not only was I right that they had gone on a date that night, but they had actually been DATING FOR THREE MONTHS at the time.
So he was cheating on me with her, and cheating on her with me. She has been very kind, and we agreed that we would eventually meet for coffee one day :)
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Geebgee66 said:
That is fantastic! Best kind of petty. My son is Autistic. He's 18 and still trying to find his way. I love hearing you were able to get out of your comfort zone and thrive! It gives me so much hope for him.
CremeDeMarron said:
Karma and great life revenge? I love this post!
ETKate said:
I love how this made you mad and that gave you the courage to go. I think if this had not happened you would not have left and made such an amazing life for yourself. I'm so very happy for you.
Unlucky-Captain1431 said:
Glad to see that you are living well. He got what he deserved: nothing good.
69Camaro64 said:
The best revenge is a life well lived. You have certainly done just that.