'My boyfriend turned me into a baby and I don’t feel like myself anymore...'

"My boyfriend turned me into a baby and I don’t feel like myself anymore..."

I (30F) used to be a very independent person. For example, I’ve travelled to over 30 countries all by myself by age 25. I knew how to survive anywhere in the world. My parents were abusive, so I escaped home and lived on my own as soon as I became an adult. I enjoyed living by myself and doing everything by myself.

Then I met my boyfriend (27M) a few years ago. Despite being younger than me, he treats me like a baby and started doing everything for me. He always takes me to work and picks me up after work since I don’t have a car. Without him, I would’ve walked or taken public transport.

I’ve always been grateful to him for doing this. Not only that, but he also does all the housework. He does most of grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning and laundry. When we go on a trip, he plans everything.

Life with him was so convenient that I got used to doing nothing by myself in a few years. All my friends say they are jealous that I have such a good boyfriend who does everything for me. I thought so, too. But suddenly I realized that I can’t do anything by myself anymore?

When he goes on a business trip and leaves me alone for a week, I find it so stressful and exhausting to do house chores like cooking and cleaning, which I always did by myself before meeting him.

I became much less independent than I was 10 years ago and I don’t feel like myself anymore. On the other hand, I feel like I’m finally receiving the love and treatment I didn’t receive from my parents and it’s compensating my miserable childhood. He says I need to be treated like a baby now because I didn’t have the chance in my childhood. I’m aware that this isn’t healthy in the long term. What should I change?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Strict_Still8949 said:

Why not start microdosing some household chores…?

Burntoastedbutter said:

Girl you got a guy like this. Start picking up the efforts and put in 50% rather than him doing 90%, and you both are SET. If he continues doing all this, he's gonna be burnt out sooner or later.

mirai_tenshi said:

It’s good that you’re aware that you’ve become too codependent but from your comments it seems like you’re still resistant to making any changes. Ofc it’s good to let your partner love and support you but if you feel like you’re losing independence and becoming too lazy/useless then I think changes should be made.

Start by doing more of an even split of the household chores and making your own plans. reach out to friends and make sure you have your own life separate from him - sitting around and being bored if he’s gone is not okay.

You can do household chores and things by yourself if you were able to in the past- you just need to change your mindset and push yourself more. bc also at the end of the day, you have to be able to support and take care of yourself to an extent - we never know what the future holds!

No_Investment3205 said:

Just because someone offers to do something for you doesn’t mean you have to let them.

Jaquemart said:

A question: how does your boyfriend react when you act independently, or ask him for more independence? Is he happy to concede and let you act on your own, makes you know, that's not fine, ignores you?

ocicataco said:

Start doing some stuff for yourself???