"My friend invited my ex-husband to her wedding...'
I (37f) left my husband, "Darren" (37M) two years ago, when our eldest daughter (now 19) came out and he was abusive. We have four children and I have sole custody over the three who young enough to be covered by custody agreements...
Which Darren has tried to fight me over for the past two years but when you have a criminal record, the courts are unlikely to give you custody of the others. Darren and I were in the same friendship group since primary school but my friends told me they had all cut contact with him.
I went to my friend, "Rachel's" (37f) wedding, this weekend when I spotted him at the ceremony. Because it's a wedding and an important day for my friend, I chose not to acknowledge his existence. It was a big wedding anyway so I thought I could just avoid him and have a conversation with Rachel about his presence at a later date because she deserved to enjoy her day.
However, when I was looking at the seating plan for the reception, I saw both of our names, one after the other. Rachel had put our group, including Darren on the same table. My two other friends from this group convinced me to take my seat because we hardly get to see each other anymore, promising that they had no idea why Darren was invited and vowing to "make him regret being born" if any drama started.
Darren sat next to me, greeted me with a "hey, babe," as if we were still together, and I could not cope with being in his presence. All I could think about was my second eldest calling the police. I downed my glass of prosecco and walked to my hotel.
Yesterday, I got a message from Rachel saying that her mum asked her to invite Darren and Rachel said yes because her parents were paying for most of the wedding. Rachel's mum is Darren's godmother. I asked her about the seating plan and, again, she said that was her mum's doing because she was adamant that there was a potential for us to get back together.
She apologized for not telling me, saying that she thought I wouldn't go if I knew (which is true, I wouldn't have come). I have not replied to that message and I don't plan to. As much as I don't want to give up on an over 3 decade long friendship, I can't get past this.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
nennikuchan said:
F your friend and her lousy excuses. She blindsided you without any regard to your feelings and the fact that he hurt your child.
biteme717 said:
Even though your friend is playing dumb to keep the peace, it was done intentionally, and everyone knew about it. I'm sorry but your friend is not your friend and this could have ended badly for you. Absolutely NO ONE cared. It would be so easy for me to cut contact with ALL of them.
Maxakaxa said:
First of all, what Rachel did or more accurate not did is really awful and that is not how You treat friends. But also why on earth did the friends at the same table let him sit next to You.
They kind of told You that they had your back but they obviously did not. Good that You left and that You now know how your friends are.
Lmleblanc-13 said:
It’s the fact that he sat down with a “hi babe” That is the biggest tell… She was totally invited so that he could try and convince her that maybe they should get back together. This whole situation is gross. I understand three decades of friendship, but throw them all in the trash!
LaundryQueen0505 said:
Rachel is a wretched human. Her mom is also. You showed respect for the wedding then held your head high as you left. Rachel showed you how she felt about your friendship and we'll being. She is not your friend.
Suitable_South_144 said:
I'm sorry for everything you and your kids are going through. Nobody deserves this. Rachel is an enormous Ahole. And a terrible liar to boot. At least you know where you stand with the friends group. Knowing someone for a long time isn't a reason to have a toxic person in your life.
JaneAustinAstronaut said:
Oh OP, it wasn't the bride's mother who hoped you'd get back with Darren - it was the bride, your friend, who also doesn't give a crap about your children's safety. She's now no longer a safe person for you or your kids. I'm sorry.