"My GF is pretending to be autistic. Am I overreacting?"
A couple months ago, my (32M) long-term girlfriend (32F) watched a Tiktok about "5 signs you might be autistic" or something like that and she's now utterly convinced she's on the spectrum. Her reasons? "She always felt she was different", "She never had many good friends, only a trusted few"," "She routinely does things like cleaning", "She always had very specific hobbies, like animals and books."
At first I thought she was joking, but soon she started beginning sentences with "As an autistic person..." on a daily basis. Whenever she messes something up, she now says "Oh, that's because of my autism, I don't always know when I do something wrong."
She started sharing Instagram reels about how hard it is to not be like other people. She never had ANY problems reading faces, social cues or socializing in general, she's a very open and extraverted person. She enjoys clubbing and concerts much more than me.
Now, whenever we go out and meet new people, she makes sure to tell them she's autistic right away and it's insanely embarrassing to watch them slowly realize she's talking out of her butt. Yesterday, at a house party, a couple we just met came up to me and started asking questions about "living with an autistic person." That made me snap and I straight up told them she's not.
When we returned home, I told my girlfriend to either get an official diagnosis or stop telling everybody about "her autism" like it's a fun personality quirk, because it's embarrassing and, frankly, insulting to people with actual autism.
She started crying, told me she doesn't need a diagnosis because she "just knows," sarcastically thanked me for my "support" and went to bed. Today, she got up and went to work without saying a word.
Am I overreacting? Am I missing something here? She never acted like this before, she's usually a rational, mature woman. If she gets diagnosed, I'll apologize of course, but am I wrong to refuse to participate in something I think is either a lie or a delusion?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SapphireNine said:
NOR - was amused by the "specific hobbies like animals and books." Could not think of anything less specific if I tried.
PinkyMPF said:
NOR - I'm not saying she isn't autistic but I can't stand when people self-diagnose and then immediately act like every trait they've ever exhibited is because of it. Literally saw one lady on Facebook say that being calmed by soothing music was one of her "sensory quirks." Like no Brenda, that's called being a human being.
Or you see videos of someone cleaning and the comments are full of "omg I do this too because of my OCD." Really? You wouldn't clean if you didn't have an obsessive compulsion to do it? Not only is it aggravating, but it's damaging to people who do have these conditions.
womanpeach said:
Def pretty annoying. I would just tell her that as helpful as self reflection can be there’s a lot of diagnosis that have similar traits and she should look into actually getting an in depth psych test before making it her entire personality.
Glum_Cycle_8101 said:
There's so many annoying self diagnosed folks. However I also had a housemate who thought she was autistic, I thought "no way," then she got an official diagnosis. Basically... she can't diagnose that she is autistic, but you can't also diagnose that she isn't.
But yes I think she should get an official assessment by a psychiatrist. Source: turns out, after my housemate got diagnosed...I found out I was autistic too, and would have sworn I wasn't.
hungryungryippo said:
NOR - Even if she is autistic, this is cringe and annoying af. A lot of autistics function fine and don’t need to wave a flag telling everyone IM AUTISTIC tee hee. Weird and tries to avoid accountability when they do something that annoys everyone.
Idk how you’re still putting up with this. it’s generous of you. Never apologize for calling her out. She needed to hear it. If she needs help, ok, but this is childish attention seeking and it’s pathetic. If I were dating her it would make her seem so unattainable to me witnessing this behavior.
FlinnyWinny said:
NOR. However, I do wanna point out: there's plenty of extroverted autistic people, too, so the whole "likes going out/going party/going to concerts" thing is completely irrelevant.
pookapotomus2 said:
Diagnosed autistic person here; people like her infuriate me. NOR.