'My wife thinks our son’s teacher crossed a line. I think it was harmless...'
"My wife thinks our son’s teacher crossed a line. I think it was harmless..."
Hi everyone, my wife and I have been married for 12 years and we have an 11 year old son in fifth grade. Overall our home life is normal but recently we had a disagreement that turned into a bigger issue than I expected.
Our son has struggled with confidence at school especially when it comes to speaking up in class. His teacher this year has been very supportive and encouraging. She often says positive things during parent teacher conferences and it is clear she wants him to succeed.
Last week, our son came home with a sealed envelope from school addressed to him. Inside was a short handwritten note from his teacher congratulating him on improving his class participation. She wrote something like "I am really proud of how brave you have been lately. Keep believing in yourself. You are doing great."
There was no gift included just the note. When my wife read it she immediately felt uncomfortable. She said it was inappropriate for a teacher to send a personal note directly to our son instead of communicating only through the parents. She also felt the wording was too emotional and crossed a professional boundary.
I honestly did not see a problem. To me it sounded like a teacher trying to motivate a student who needed encouragement. Our son was happy and felt proud of himself, which meant a lot to me.
My wife wants to email the school administration and ask that the teacher stop all direct communication with our son. I think that is an overreaction and could embarrass our son or damage a positive relationship. Am I being naive here? Is my wife right to be concerned or was this a normal and harmless gesture from a supportive teacher?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
AffectionateRun4063 said:
Your wife is overreacting. The note was sent with good intentions.
Street-Individual492 said:
NTA - Your wife is way out of line. Your son struggles with confidence and the teacher sent him a confidence booster that he can re-read at any point, without embarrassing him in front of his class. The teacher could have sent individual notes to all of the kids in class. Your wife has some serious issues!
Commercial_Use_363 said:
No good deed goes unpunished, apparently. I am glad I’m not a teacher anymore.
t2nazx2 said:
Wow! A child is having a tough time in school and an overworked and underpaid teacher is offering him praise to try to better himself and it gets so twisted??? You are not the jerk, but your wife is vying for jerk of the year if she contacts the school board.
an0nym0uswr1ter said:
Your wife is completely overreacting to this. The teacher sees and deals with your son everyday. The teacher did not signal him out in the front of the class and is doing everything she can to encourage your son. Also a really blunt point here, is the teacher supposed to ignore your son and not talk to him at all? She already is in direct connection with him.
Melophile_27 said:
OMG, your wife is ridiculous. To clarify, I'm a woman and mother and find the note to be thoughtful and kind. Someone took the time out their busy day to personally write a note of encouragement to your child. Not enough kids receive that and not enough people do that.
I'm surprised anyone wants to teach anymore. Between the pay, semantics, politics and most of all, unhinged parents, it's a thankless job. It almost sounds like your wife is feeling insecure/threatened/jealous because another female adult figure showed her son something caring. Think long and hard about if this is how you want the rest of your life to look.