Pregnant woman refuses to clean or cook for grieving MIL. AITA? Husband says yes.
When this woman is furious with her MIL, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to clean or cook for my grieving mother in law?'
I (21) am heavily pregnant with twins and have a 2 year old son. My husband (27) insisted that we have his mom move in with us due to her losing her husband (6 month prior) and older age. I from the get go was uncomfortable with my mother in law moving in because she is extremely nitpicking and always finds something wrong with the way I do things.
I'm from another culture than her and grew up in the west while she is south Asian. I do my best to respect her culture but she always mocks mine and how I grew up. Ever since she moved in with me she been ordering me around like I am her slave and since she is my husband's mother I been doing my best to please her but no matter what I do I can't.
She finds some kinda fault with everything I do!!! It gotten so stressful for me that it ends up leaving me in tears. This one time she asked me to cook this dish from her homeland which I never ate before but she refused to help me prepare it so the night night before I spend all night trying to research it, only for her to take one bite and tell me it's awful and throw her whole plate out.
With cleaning she's always watching me telling me that I'm not cleaning right and that she doesn't understand how her son could marry someone who doesn't even know how to be a wife. I just feel like she's really disrespectful and when I try to ask her to treat me better she'll go ran to my husband claiming I was the one being disrespectful to her.
She Constantly orders me around asking me to go to the store for her, clean up after her or cook for her only to say I did it horribly. I'm pregnant and exhausted and can no longer cope with this anymore to I told my mother in law that enough is enough and that I'm no longer doing anything for her until she learns to treat me with respect and whether she likes it or not I'm the mother of her grandson and unborn granddaughters which makes me family.
She started insulting me and told me that women out here don't know how to respect their elders and she's disgusted her son choose me. She ended up calling my husband which of course my husband heard her side of the story and sympathized with his mom without even listening to me.
He's upsets and thinks I should be putting more effort in mending the relationship with his mom especially because she is still grieving. But the thing is I brought this to my husband attention enough times and all he did was downplay his mom's actions and claim that she's warm up to me soon enough which she hasn't. Am I the asshole for telling my mother in law that I'm done doing anything for her?
Let's find out.
sooner70 writes:
NTA. And know that this will never stop. Your husband has shown where his loyalty lies and it's not with you; it's with his mom. As such, you can expect this to continue until mom dies.
raingirl9 writes:
NTA. I'd suggest recording a few of the interactions, without her knowing. When you are calm, watch them back. If you still think the situations are bad show them to your husband. Go to him with a few. Please understand that this will result in either a really good or really bad outcome. He could finally see the light or it could trigger a divorce.
I am of South Asian decent and his behaviour seems quite typical. Beware that even with evidence of abuse from mil there is a strong possibility he will side with his mom. Please look up toxic relationships between South Asian men and their mother's before you do anything. It's a real problem.
capmanor8 writes:
NTA. Call 2-3 divorce attorneys and ask what their fee would be for an initial consultation. Meet with them once and prepare a letter for your husband. The letter, on the law firm letterhead, will lay out two options. 1) Your MIL moves out within 30 days or 2) you file for divorce with an expected child support payment of $x,xxx per month and an estimated alimony payment of $x.