Queer woman threatens to ban mom from home if she doesn't remove crucifix necklace.
When this queer couple is determined to make their home into a safe space, they ask Reddit:
'AITA for making our home into a non religious space and hurting my mother?'
My (27F) girlfriend (32F) finally moved in together after dating for three years, do to money troubles keeping us in seperate roomate situations. We're very exited to make our apartment into our own space, since for both of us this is the first home we've had without sharing with anyone else.
My mother (and my late father) is rabidly catholic. I was raised catholic growing up, church every sunday, praying before every meal and snack, blah blah blah. I refused to do confirmation, which enraged my mother but she backed off after the priest told her that was my right. She 'didn't approve' of me being bi (which is weird, she surprisingly is ok with gay people) and still dragged me to church hoping I'd grow out of it.
Long story short I moved out at 18, and have kept a respectfully distant relationship with her. She's mellowed a bit in her age, but she still tries to invite me to church every week, even after I told her plainly to cut that out. She's respectful to my girlfriend, mostly because I will choose her over my mother if it comes to that, and it nearly did when she accused my girlfriend of being a predator when we met due to our age gap.
My girlfriend has an even more traumatic past with religion. When she was outed at 12, her parents abused her until she was 18, then disowned her. The entire time using bible quotes and 'gods mission' as an excuse. She still believes in A god, just not in religion or worship, which I respect. With all our trauma about religion, we decided to make the place into a no-religion space.
That means no praying, no religious symbols of any kind, no proselytizing, no talking about religious settings. My mother hates that, because all her friends are churchgoers and 80% of her stories relate to something happening in church. She also gets mad that we make her take off or cover her cross necklace, as are the rules. She claims we're being hypocrites, to which I told her she's lucky to be in my life at all. Still some of our friends told us we're taking it too far, and 'using our trauma as an outlet for revenge' AITA?
Let's find out.
suffiecienthippo writes:
I’m going with YTA because this is targeted. I’m not even a religious person and was raised pagan, but have my own ptsd from my uncles that are Mormon. But I make space for others to talk about their religion in my life. I honestly think it’s edges on bigotry or discrimination. But I’ve made a lot of Muslim and Hindu in university.
stormynut writes:
On the fence about the necklace. I think in other contexts it might be too far, but I know people with PTSD over religious trauma so it can be triggering seeing religious images, and the house should be a safe space so I think it's fine. If she wants to talk about friends at church, she can leave out any religious references and just talk about it like a community center. Oh my judgement is NTA.
saturdaysun writes:
NTA for the rest, like no religious artefacts and no religion talk - your house your rules. But YTA for policing what your mother wears even in your own home to such an extent. A single necklace is very subtle and it isn't your role to dictate that jewellery be removed. You can ask politely (which itself would be AH-ish, but at least respectful), but you have no right to demand.