'I quit my nanny job and I can’t bring myself to tell the mom why...'

"I quit my nanny job and I can’t bring myself to tell the mom why..."

I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this. I can’t think about it without crying. I don’t know how to deal with any of it. I had a job looking after the child of a family friend, the child isn’t a baby but they’re still pretty young.

I was originally supposed to work as their nanny until the child was old enough to go to school. My mom knows the kid’s aunt, and I’ve babysat for the aunt before, which is how I ended up getting the job.

The dad has a job that allows him to work-from-home, but most of the time he is stuck in his office all day so I really only ever saw him in passing. If I spent any significant period of time with him, the mom was always there.

He never gave me a reason to be afraid of him. I didn’t really think anything of being alone with him in the house with the little one all day. The few times he came out of his office to handle the naptime routine or to play for a little while, we didn’t really talk much. I feel like I’m over explaining myself. I don’t know.

A few weeks ago the little one fell asleep in the living room just before I was going to put them down for a nap. I decided to just get them comfy on the couch and work on one of my midterms. The dad came out of his office at one point and sat down near me. It was fine at first.

He was reading a book, I was typing on my computer, and even though the silence felt a little uncomfortable it wasn’t really bad or anything. I don’t want to be specific about what happened, but I didn’t do anything to stop him. I just froze.

I said no a few times, but I couldn’t make myself run or fight or do anything else. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that his child was sleeping four ft away. I thought about how scared they would probably be to wake up and see their dad doing that, so I didn’t say anything else.

When it was over, I called the mom. I said I had a family emergency and needed to leave early. I didn’t tell her the truth. I didn’t say anything to the dad. I left. I feel guilty for just walking out like that.

I haven’t gone back. I haven’t answered any of her calls. My mom is kind of mad at me for quitting in such a “rude” way but I don’t know how to tell her or anyone about this. I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m either crying or feeling nothing and it's making me feel crazy.

Every time I think about it I feel like I can’t breathe. None of this feels real but it also feels very real at the same time. I’m sorry if nothing here makes sense, I needed to just get it out and I can’t make my brain work properly enough to be coherent?

NOTE:

I saw a couple people say that there was a post online a while ago from a mom wondering why her nanny quit, and I haven’t seen it, but from what has been said about it, I don’t believe that situation is about me.

I got tested a little while after it happened, but I didn’t go to the hospital to get an exam or anything like that. I’m fine physically I think. Thank you all for your kindness, I didn’t think anyone was going to see this.

I didn’t want anyone I know to find out about it. I’m sorry if this is kind of all over the place, I don’t really know how to talk about anything right now. I just don’t feel like myself anymore.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Turbulent_Order4476 said:

Start by telling 1 person, someone you trust whole-heartedly. If that’s not your mom, maybe it’s your aunt, your best friend, your sibling? When you speak out loud about it that first time you’ll be able to do it again, then again.

Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. This is traumatic and horrible and not your fault. Eventually you need to tell the police. This man is a predator. You may not be the first or last he does this to.

BastingGecko3 said:

You need to tell someone because you can't keep this kind of thing in forever. It'll just fester and fester, effecting you in your day to day life and potential relationships in the future. Your mum will understand and be able to figure out what to do from there.

PuzzledStyle3053 said:

Okay, so first, it is not too late for you to go and file a police report. What he did was not okay. Also, tell your mom and let her handle telling the friend what a POS her husband is.

LaalaahLisa said:

Sweetheart, you are a victim. What he did to you is a crime. He is a predator. I'm sorry, you are not in ANY way at fault. You didn't do this! I need you to know that. Speak to someone, anyone...you said midterms do you have a teacher? I'm so sorry.

Busy-Stress9764 said:

The freeze response is so real, I have experienced something very similar and have tortured myself over it. Reading your story, I’m here to say that it isn’t your fault, it is not your shame to carry. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Please tell your mother. I regret keeping what happened to me from my own. Wishing you luck, there are resources out there to help deal with the trauma and it does get better.

AdAccomplished6870 said:

This wasn't your fault. Report this to the police. See a therapist