'I snapped at my BF’s mom after she mocked my career. Am I overreacting?'

"I snapped at my BF’s mom after she mocked my career. Am I overreacting?"

I am 26f and I have been dating my boyfriend 28m for about 2 years. Things are mostly good, except his mom. She is very polite on the surface but loves little comments that feel like compliments until you think about them for a second.

I am in nursing school and I work as a CNA while I finish. I am really proud of this. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do, I am paying for most of it myself, and I genuinely love patient care. My boyfriend has always said he is proud of me too.

His mom, on the other hand, has opinions. She is very big on status and prestige. She loves to talk about how my boyfriend’s sister is an attorney and how hard law school was, how impressive it is, etc. Cool, great for her. But whenever my career comes up, his mom makes these little digs.

Examples: “Oh nursing is such a sweet job, you must be very nurturing.” “I could never deal with bedpans all day, bless you.” “At least you’ll always have a job, hospitals are always hiring.”

Last weekend we were at a family dinner and someone asked how school was going. Before I could even answer, his mom laughed and said, “Well it’s not exactly rocket science, but I’m sure it keeps her busy.”

I kind of froze, then said something like “It’s actually pretty intense and competitive, but yeah, I stay busy.” She rolled her eyes and said, “I just think it’s funny how girls these days aim so low when they have potential.” That is when I snapped.

I told her, calmly but very directly, that nursing is not “aiming low,” that it is a licensed medical profession, and that it is weird and rude to keep belittling someone who is working hard at a career that helps people. I also said if she keeps making comments like that, I will stop coming to family events.

The table went silent. My boyfriend’s dad suddenly needed more water. His sister stared at her plate. His mom looked shocked and said I was being overly sensitive and disrespectful in her home.

On the drive home, my boyfriend said he understands why I was upset but thinks I “could have handled it better” and that his mom is “just old fashioned.” Now I am second guessing myself. I do not think standing up for myself is overreacting, but maybe threatening to stop coming to family events was too much? So am I overreacting?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

pegwins said:

That's not old fashioned. It's completely rude. You apparently also have a boyfriend problem. Ugh!

DependentMaybe1918 said:

Good for you, his mom sounds like a jerk. Are you overacting? NO, cause i would have said much worse if she spoke to me like that, and also, it would bother me if my partner did not stand with me even with their parents.

EmbarrassedOnion9 said:

NOR. Nursing is a highly skilled job which requires to be present unlike a lot of other corporate jobs. Plus the pay is good. Not something to throw in their faces just to give you some affirmation.

The mom is maybe taking out her own lackluster life on you. Id have a serious chat with your boyfriend and if you see this progressing how he needs to stand up for you too.

Sad-Midnight-6217 said:

It's definitely not old fashioned tho, if anything it's the opposite. I feel like us women get judged by other women if we choose family over career or choose jobs that's not higher up. Your mother-in-law sounds very rude.

3d_photon said:

Not overreacting. You handled it great, especially considering the length of time she's been dismissive. What did she do for a career? Or was she just a baby factory?