'AITA for not canceling plans when my stepdaughter got sick? My husband is irritated.'
"AITA for not canceling plans when my stepdaughter got sick?"
I (29F) have been with my husband John for 5 years. He has a daughter, Ella (11F). Ella and I are very close and she’s gotten to be good friends with my sisters daughter Maddy (10F). There was a large festival type event in our town last weekend.
Ella is the one who originally saw the ad for the event a few weeks before and she got Maddy excited about it so the two of them asked if I would take them. It looked like a lot of fun so I told them I’d be happy to go with them.
Ella came down with an illness while at her moms last week and was still unwell the day of the festival so she stayed home with her mother. My niece still wanted to go so we did and we had a great time together. We got Ella a few little presents and we missed her but I didn’t see any reason for Maddy to miss out.
Ella was back in school on Monday (editing before someone asks because it’s summer haha - they go to day camp at the school) and Maddy had brought her gifts in to give her.
Ella had not realized we had still attended without her and got very upset when Maddy tried to tell her about the event. She said it was “her idea” and that we weren’t supposed to go without her. She called her dad after school and told him that we had been unfair to her by stealing her plans and having fun without her.
I understand that mentality from an 11 year old but I was absolutely shocked that my husband came home and picked an argument with me about it. Firstly, he knew Maddy and I still went and he said nothing. and secondly, it’s unfair that Ella caught a bug but Maddy did nothing wrong and I’m free to spend my time with my niece if I choose.
John insisted that I should prioritize Ellas feelings because stepmother is a chosen commitment that’s greater than niece but I simply don’t see it that way, I love them both and sometimes shit’s just unfair. John has been irritated with me all week and now I’m wondering if it’s a valid way for me to think. What do you all think? AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
helpfulhour8 writes:
NTA, your husband is, though. Ella is a child and it's not unusual for children this young to still suffer from bouts of 'main character' syndrome. It's the parents' job to help them understand that the world doesn't revolve around them. And you husband is failing at that. He shouldn't be surprised if she turns out to be a spoiled brat.
sbinjax writes:
NTA. Your stepdaughter Ella was disappointed but the plans that you had made with Maddy were still viable and you went to the event with her. It's a good life lesson for Ella - sometimes the best laid plans don't work out. Of course Ella's feelings are important but the event is over. Maybe you could plan something special with Ella, so that she knows she wasn't forgotten or overlooked.
pinkunder9 writes:
NTA. So if one person got sick for Christmas the whole thing should be cancelled? Your husband is being a dick. I hope showing him this post makes him come to his senses and he apologises to you.
One girl is related by blood. The others hinges on who you are with. If you break up, she’d no longer be your stepdaughter. Your niece will always be your niece. I find his argument flawed.
Ella needs to learn being sick means you miss out. This would have been a good opportunity for dad to teach her the world doesn’t revolve around her.