'I 'stole' my mom's dog. Now everyone is calling me an AH...' UPDATED 4X

"I 'stole' my mom's dog. Now everyone is calling me an AH..."

I'm hoping to start this with, I'm pretty sure my mom hates me. Or, at the very least, greatly dislikes me. I spent the first half of my life playing second fiddle to my brother who is 2 years older, then the second half to my baby sister who is 15 yrs younger than me (she was adopted as a baby).

Don't get me wrong, I understand the necessity of it with my baby sister, she needs the extra attention given she's still a teenager (16) and still struggles with the knowledge that she was adopted. Mom and dad were open with her since the beginning.

Here's the issue, I'm never included in anything. Any time they go anywhere, I'm left out and have been for a long as I can remember. Even when it comes to family events.

Yesterday is usually a big day for my family. It's really the only time everyone is all together. So, mom invited me over, and I'm assuming it's because she wants to go to the family gathering together because she knows I was planning on going (I moved out a few weeks ago). She asks me to be there for 8 am and I say okay.

I wake up early, excited to see my family, dress up nice, pack my bathing suit and some other essentials, and head out. My roommate even double-checked with me to make sure I didn't want to go with him. I laughed about not wanting to hear them making jokes about us being a couple again (he's gay, in a female, I find the jokes disrespectful, as does he), and he agrees.

I show up at my mom's a bit early, and neither her nor my sister is there. I assume they're out getting something they forgot, but I tried to call both of them to find out. No answer. This is pretty normal, so I don't think much of it.

While I'm waiting, I check the feeding log for my mom's new puppy. It's only a few weeks old and not weaned, so it's on a strict feeding schedule. I see that she's due for a feeding. I figured that since mom was being nice, I'd help her out and feed the little nugget for her.

An hour goes by, no mom. No little sister. 2 hours, still nothing, not answering, I feed the puppy again. By 11am, I get a call from my aunt telling me how rude I am for saying I was going to go, then bailing on everyone.

That everyone was looking forward to me finality going to an event and saying I was an AH for just not showing up with no call or notice. I tell her I'm at mom's house and I can't get ahold of her, that I can't leave her puppy alone without anyone there to feed it because it's still very young.

She tells me that my mom is there and that she's telling everyone I am not coming because I'm having panic attacks. At one point during the convo, I can hear my uncle (her husband) say not to bother, I clearly just don't want to be around my family, and then I can hear several people laughing.

At this point, I'm almost in tears as the realization that I'm being used and then lied about sinks in. Yes, I have panic attacks that are set off by large crowds. Yes, if I went, it's very likely I would have had multiple panic attacks while they're. No, it wasn't going to stop me from going. I was so excited to finally see everyone as it's been years since I've had the chance.

I call up my mom again and this time I leave a voicemail telling her that she has 1 hour to get home or that I'm taking her puppy for the night (I won't let it starve just because my mom was being a female pomeranian) and that I'd be calling animal control on her for neglect. Radio silence. After an hour, I pack up the puppies stuff, feed it one more time, and then we go back to my place.

My roommate comes home, and he's not thrilled there's a puppy in the house, but understands after I explain what happened. I apologized to him for not calling him to ask but he said he understood that I was between a rock and a hard place and said he would have done the same thing. Then he held me for a while as I cried on his shoulder over everything that happened.

Today, I woke up to a ton of missed calls and texts from my mom demanding to know where her puppy is and threatening to call the police on me for theft. So... I filled out a report with the police myself and called animal control to report her for neglect and abuse. A few hours later and the police were at my door (I had already told her multiple times she could come get her dog, but she was demanding I drive it back to her).

I once again explained what happened and made it evidently clear that I had no knowledge of being responsible for caring for the dog. That I only took it so it wouldn't starve since she never bothered to come home after I called her. They asked me why I didn't just stay at the house, so I explained that I was having a mental breakdown the longer I stayed.

Basically they wrote everything down, then animal control came out and took the dog. I asked them if they were going to give the dog back to her and they said they can't provide any information to me. So idk if she got the dog back or not.

Now my family is calling me a vindictive AH for taking her dog and reporting her. I don't think I am. I think I was trying to protect the damn thing. But I guess I'll leave it to you. AITA for taking my mom's dog and reporting her?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Desperate-Animal1651 said:

NTA. You are NEVER the AH for protecting someone (human or otherwise) that cannot protect themselves. I’m so sorry your family are such hateful AHs. You might consider going NC for your own peace and mental health.

Scary-Rub5371 said:

Mom can walk barefoot over a million Legos. Sometimes you have to make your own family because blood doesn’t mean anything to them. I’m glad you have your roommate to lean on.

Crow_Kai said:

I'm sorry this is happening to you and you've been treated this way. In future, unless it's between you and your siblings, don't waste time with your parents (mum). What you've just told us shows that, at the very least, your mother is spiteful as well as cruel.

The fact that she could do that to her own child (invite them somewhere as a diversion and then make up lies to make them look unstable) speaks volumes. The fact that she could neglect an animal speaks more.

Cut her off. Focus on the rest of your family; don't waste time on her. Don't respond talk to her, respond to messages, answer calls or se her. If anyone comments on it, explain that she treated you like crap and it is negatively impacting your health so you've cut her out of your life.

If anyone has anything to say about that, then just point out how she's treated you throughout the years, how that has made you feel (because regardless of their thoughts, they can't argue with how she's made you feel), point out that they never defended you so now you're having to defend yourself and this is how you do it.

If they have a problem with it then it seems as if you need to defend yourself against other negative factors that impact your mental health. Do what you have to for your own sanity and peace of mind and fuck everyone else (except your siblings). Oh and obviously NTA.

Rare-Indication-1655 said:

NTA. I understand why, but I would've brought the puppy and its belongings (toys/food) and showed up at the get-together with him/her. Would've walked in and went up to mom like: "Hey mom, I thought you might have forgotten to bring your new weaning puppy.

Don't worry, I took care of him while I was waiting for you to come back so we could all come together as planned. Since you did tell me to "come by at 8 am" without context. I figured you meant so we could all arrive at the party together. BTW 'aunt', what time did my mother get there?"

Just to shut her up and also they could see what a horrible liar she is! I get your emotions completely though. Smh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. And the people mocking and laughing at your pain. Definitely very LC until your sister turns 18 and then NC afterward.

RumBelle-stiltskin said:

NTA. If your family is going to believe your mother over the truth then I think you consider going low-no contact with the lot of them. You did the right thing with that puppy, you could've simply left it there to starve and gone to the family get-together, but instead you took it home with you and kept it fed with good company.

Whether you stayed with puppy or went to the family gathering, your mum was going to make you the bad guy and your family was willing to buy into her bs. I'll say it again for the family eavesdropping in the back: You Did The Right Thing. They need to wise up or bugger off and let you have your peace.

RiverBlueMine said:

These people aren’t your family. They are just biologically related to you. Go NC and find your true family. These are people that see the best in you, are compassionate about your struggles, and kindly honest even when it hurts to hear. They truly listen so they can understand.

They give grace when needed but also hold you accountable so you can grow and evolve into the best version of yourself. They can be hard to find, but become your foundation, your touch stone. They BELIVE IN YOU! Take care and be well… tomorrow will be a bit better…

FIRST UPDATE:

It's been confirmed. She's getting the dog back on Monday. She just posted it on FB. And yes, I'm freaking livid. Once again, the system has failed. Her post said: "God is good!

Many of you have already heard what my wicked daughter has tried to do. I won't ruin her name, even if she doesn't mind destroying mine, because I'm willing to be the bigger person. Thankfully, despite her lies, I have been told I can pick up my precious angel on Monday. Animal control has even gone as far as to commend me for doing God's work in caring for my Nova.

For those that know her, I beg of you, please don't judge (my name) too harshly. She is sick mentally and doesn't understand the hurt and pain she causes. Instead, I ask that you pray for her to find her way so that she may find peace in place of her anger.

I will be thanking God tonight as I rest my head, knowing he is merciful and is watching over me and mine." I'm guessing she found it earlier today and waited to post this. Not sure, but excuse me while I go gag.

Funny how in the same breath she says she won't "ruin my name" then immediately calls me a liar in the very next sentence. I'm sorry but this woman makes me want to bang my head against a wall until this crap makes sense. I think I'm done for the night. This is officially too much for me.

Thank you, everyone, for your kindness in your replies. It truly helps knowing that I didn't do anything wrong by bringing the puppy with me when I left. Also, yes, the puppy's name is actually Nova. My sister named her.

SECOND UPDATE:

Hey again, everyone. I was going to wait a bit before I updated, but something big happened, and I wanted to share. First, I'm going to start by apologizing for my horrible typing. I'm on a cellphone, and I use Swype, so half of my words are wrong. Usually, I'm good about correcting them, but I was exhausted yesterday.

Second, I once again want to thank everyone who commented. Everyone has been so nice and helped me feel validated in my decision. I know you shouldn't want the validation of strangers, but let's be honest, it still feels good to have it. Especially when it's enveloped in kindness as well.

Okay, onto the actual update. One user suggested that I share this post with my family. I originally declined the idea, as I really didn't think any one of them would believe me. Turns out...I was right.

Last night, right before I passed out, I sent a long text to my aunt and uncle (the aunt that called me) about how cruel their behavior was and how I wasn't the rude one and if they had bothered getting the whole story (not just one side of it) they would have understood. Then I attached the link to this post.

By 7am, most of my family has seen this. Most of them are calling me a liar and saying my mom wouldn't do what she did. Then I get a message saying there is going to be a family meeting tonight. I've included a picture of the email for reference in the comments. Yeah...I don't think I'm going to go. They are welcome to "proceed accordingly." I'll be moving down south instead.

THIRD UPDATE:

It's been a while since I've posted anything, but a lot has happened since my last post. Okay so first thing is first: I have finally moved!! Currently I'm writing this from my new room at my brother's place and, although it's a bit of a transition, I'm doing well. He's been so wonderful and is helping me get all of my stuff sorted. I even have a few interviews coming up for a job already!

Next: Sean and I are still doing amazing! The transition from best friends to partners was actually really easy (having a massive crush on him for so long helped, I think, lol.) He saw me off at the airport and we both cried. It was so hard to say goodbye, but I know I'll be seeing him soon.

We still video every night and do everything we can to make distance as little of a factor as humanly possible. It's still hard though. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like he's my one.

As for the card my mom gave me, nothing negative happened with that. I did take some of the advice that was given to me and I did register the card in my name and I kept the receipt for it, just to be safe, but it didn't seem to be an issue. I still have the receipt though.

Now onto some less happy updates. I did drop the charges against my cousin. I tried to petition the courts to let me appear via webcam as I no longer live in state, but my request was denied.

Since I don't have the money to fly back, I had to let it go. That doesn't necessarily mean she will get off without any consequences, because the state may choose to continue with the case, but it's unlikely. I also my cousins finally left me alone for the remainder of the time I was there.

My family did find out that I was moving and I heard through the grapevine that they had some nasty things to say about it (calling me a coward, a rat, a leach, etc). BUT instead of letting it get to me, I just shrugged it off because it didn't matter anymore. They are no longer part of my life and I feel as though an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

The only one who didn't seem to be talking crap, surprisingly, was my mom. If anything, she actually seemed sad that I was leaving. Not sure why she was sad, but it did hurt a little, knowing I hurt her. I know that I shouldn't, given everything...

...but she's still my mom and I don't want to be the type of person who feels good because someone else hurts, ya know? Even so, I did what was best for me and I'm proud of myself for it. Even if it was scary (change is always scary to me, lol).

Anyways, that's my update. I know it's not very juicy or filled with drama, but I think that's a good thing. For me, anyways. I've had enough drama for a while. Thank you for reading.

FOURTH UPDATE:

I'm back with another update (finally! Lol)! Sorry it took so long. Things have been so crazy here! To start: I have a job! It's in a new field but the pay is good and I'm learning so much! I'm absolutely loving it, and the people are fun to work with, so far anyways, lol. The best part is that it's mostly computer work, so it fits my needs perfectly!

Next, Sean and I are still going very strong. He says hi to everyone as well! And guess what?! We are signing the lease on a new place in January!! I'm so excited I can't wait! He has already lined up a job out here and is packing everything he's going to be bringing with him this month.

My amazing brother is even helping to pay some of the moving costs, as a loan, of course. We have a payment plan already set up to pay him back every cent, and he even helped us sit down and make a budget that covers everything, including finally being able to start saving.

As for my cousin, the state did not continue the charges after I left. However, karma has royally kicked her in the behind. Well, karma and her bad life choices. She went partying one night and decided to get behind the wheel.

Thank the heavens no one was hurt, but she did get pulled over and is now facing serious charges. From what I've read, the family has pretty much disowned her because of this (why everyone needs to post it on fb, I'll never know. But thanks for the updates, I guess? Lol)

Mom reached out to Sean after I moved. She begged him to ask me to unblock her. Against my better judgment, and I won't lie, mostly out of curiosity, I did. I was worried she may have been sick or something. Nope. She reached out to apologize. She said she knew she messed up and would always feel so guilty for it.

I told her that, while I forgive her, I don't think we're in a place to have a relationship right now, because there's a lot of damage that had been done even before the dog issue. She asked me what she could do to try and build a relationship with me. I told her she needed to go to therapy.

She needed to work on herself and be honest with her therapist about everything, not just the sugar-coated self-indulgent versions of what happened. Maybe then, after some time and after she learned how to deal with situations honestly, we could TRY and work on rebuilding our relationship.

She got defensive at first, of course. But after a minute of her starting to go on a tangent about me being "ungrateful" she actually stopped herself. She said she would try. I was and still am, completely shocked by how she handled all of that.

I'm still going to be very cautious and watch for any signs that I can find that she's trying to manipulate me, and I'm going to be talking to my therapist a lot about this, but maybe there's a chance? Oh yeah, that's the other news! I got a therapist! We're doing CBT therapy, and it's been really hard! Lol. But I'm doing well with that.

I have to say...I am so proud of myself for how far I've come in such a short amount of time. I am finally standing up for myself a lot more now, I'm working towards real stability, I'm a much happier person now, and I'm starting to truly love myself (scars and all). I still have a long way to go, but I have a strong support system, new friends, an amazing partner, and a shiny new backbone! It really is so pretty, lol!

Thank you to everyone who reached out and supported me here through so much of this. Thank you for holding me up when I needed it, for daring me to take a risk with Sean, for holding my hand when I was scared, and for giving me words of encouragement when I was at my lowest.