'I threw out all our soap after learning how my BF cleans himself. Am I overreacting?'

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"I threw out all our soap after learning how my BF cleans himself. Am I overreacting?"

So… I (26F) don’t even know how to start this without gagging. This happened earlier this week, and I’m still going through waves of disgust and disbelief. My boyfriend (28M) and I have been together for about a year now. We recently moved in together about three months ago.

Before that, we’d spend weekends together, but I never really paid much attention to how he showered. I guess I just assumed he was like everyone else—soap, loofah, washcloth, maybe body wash, maybe even one of those fancy shower puffs. You know…normal hygiene. But oh, how wrong I was.

So, around this Monday, he had been feeling sick the night before—some bad food, he said. I woke up to him rushing to the bathroom. Poor guy had a bad case of diarrhea. No big deal. He took a shower afterward, and I didn’t think twice about it. I had showered earlier that morning, and by the time he was done, I was already half asleep, so I didn’t go in there again.

The next morning, I got up to take my shower. I picked up our shared bar of soap and saw...chunks on it. CHUNKS ON IT. I gagged so hard I almost threw up. I dropped the soap immediately, turned off the water, and just stood there trying to process what the hell I was looking at.

When I finally called him over, I asked him what the hell happened to the soap. He looked confused. I explained what I saw, and he goes, “Oh yeah, I took a shower last night after I went to the bathroom. I probably didn’t rinse the soap off right.” Dude...what?

And then that’s when I learned something that made me question everything about this man. He doesn’t use a washcloth. Or a loofah. Or a body brush. Or even his hands in a lathering way. He literally takes the bar of soap, wets it, wets himself with the shower hose, and rubs the bar directly all over his body—from head to toe. Including his armpits. His privates. His butt. And apparently, after having diarrhea.

I didn’t even know what to say. I just stood there, horrified, replaying every single time I’d used that same damn bar of soap on my own loofah or washcloth. So the next day my first thought was to throw away every bar of soap we had and both of shared leaving just my body washes.

When he saw me doing this, he got defensive. He asked why I was overreacting and said I was “making a big deal out of nothing.” I told him I wasn’t comfortable sharing soap anymore because now that I know what he’s been doing, it’s just… nasty. I didn’t shame him, I just said, “I didn’t realize that’s how you washed, and I can’t share a bar like that again.”

He got quiet and said, “So you think I’m dirty?” I told him no, but that his method is unsanitary. Which, I mean… come on. It’s objectively gross. Especially if you’re using the same bar that touches your butt and private parts, then it sits there collecting whatever didn’t rinse off.

He stormed out, and a few hours later, I got a call from his sister asking me why I “embarrassed” him and “made him feel like a disgusting person.” Apparently, he told his family about it. His mom texted me something like, “Men have been using bars of soap for generations. You’re making it sound filthy.”

Am I insane for thinking this is different though? Like… yes, people use bar soap. But most people don’t literally rub it between their cheeks and then put it back for someone else to use. Now he’s been giving me the cold shoulder, and his family thinks I’m some germ-obsessed neat freak who humiliated him over “a piece of soap.” So, for second opinions—am I overreacting about this or not?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Cali_Holly said:

Since he brought his family into it, then there is no reason why you can’t absolutely be truly honest. The problem isn’t that he uses the bar so it begins his bare body. It’s the fact that he uses the bar of soap directly onto his rectum to clean off diarrhea. And that left chunks of his poo on the bar soap. THAT is THE issue.

Now tell that to his mom and sister, since they wanted to confront you about his hurt feelings. And just so you know not only is he disgusting leaving the poop on the bar of soap.

BUT, he is immature and runs to mommy and his sissy to cry about his hurt feelings. Those two points are very unattractive in a man. And I definitely couldn’t see myself being with someone like that long-term.

bigapplejuicecup said:

Lmao NTA. He’s clearly not washing himself well enough if he can’t even check the bar of soap. Who knows if his butt is even the last part of his body that he washed?

Iammine4420 said:

NOR!! Most people wipe after. He left actually chunks poop on the bar of soap! WTF?! Clearly his mother doesn’t wash properly either!

One-Calligrapher-851 said:

I love how he claims you embarrassed him, but he’s the one who told everyone.

anomic_balm said:

NOR. I feel dirty having read this. I would have released a string of profanities on him and his mom.

KurosakiOnepiece said:

I’m so glad I’m single and live alone